Agility trial

We went to cheer for Trevor at the Agility summer trial at Gateway Agility Club.
It was a big AKC event.
Trevor did very good, he won a couple of ribons and won a gift for Taylor, a toy :-)
The main reason I went it was to learn from watching. Taylor will go back to school August 2nd, for refresher obedience three weeks, then starting agility :-)

I was watching the four arenas of competition and the skills of so many dogs of different breeds and their handlers. It is amazing how the dogs can learn to read the handler's body language, and learn also what they are supposed to do: jump over little fences, through tire, go in the tunnel and shute, walk a titer, and dog walk, and do the weave poles (that is the most difficult). All that with enthusiasm and happiness. They don't realize when they miss an obstacle or do a wrong one, but for sure they do realize the changes in voice, body language, and tensions in the handler. I admired especially the ones who missed the obstacle from the first two jumps (in some categories of competition that meant the team was completely out of the game!), but they continued till the end - and sometimes with no other fault!- to show that the team is good, that the dog knows the course.
Of, course I admired the national competition teams who did excellent performance in excellent time. What a wonderful performance!

But also I watched the ones like us, on the benches, cheering, praying, keeping our breath till our favorite team - dog and handler - finish their course. We were chatting and crticizing when we just were watching, when the team was not of our interest, but we were glued to the arena when our team was performing. We were hands up when the team finished and did no mistakes, or sorry that they missed the opportunity in case of a mistake... wish it would be perfect!

I think that is how God watches our actions in this life. Cheering for us, praying, keeping his breath to see if we do well, or being sorry for us when we screw it up.

Congratulations Trevor!
Trevor proudly smiling :-)

Taylor's mint treats

I decided to make Taylor some treats. I choose to do so because I have no clue what they put in the doggie biscuits even if they look good. Once I found in a bag of so called "natural doggie treats" in more than half of the biscuits some kind of animal hair. I suspect they chopped entire rabits in the treats.
I made her real natural ones with whole weat flour, oats, butter, eggs, cheese, bacon bits, sunflower seeds, and mint. They taste very good. Any person could eat them, all is natural, clean, and nutritious.
She has a half jar of mint cookies and she loves them!











After eating some she takes a nap in front of the TV with the remote between her paws:-)

Tornado in Midwest

We survived a tornado coming from the unusual path (from East to Southwest - usually tornadoes come from West to East).
Wednesday, as ususal, I teach the summer course 5-9:30PM. By 7:00PM the fire alarm started to blast in our ears. I thought first that it is just a drill since at 5Pm when we got in our class, in the basement of Founders Hall, it was 100F outside and rain was predicted only to Friday night a 10% chance of possible rain...

It seems the tornado did not watch the same TV channel...
We were in the right place, in the basement, so we even could not go out to see what is going on. I could look on the door and it was very dark, very windy, and loud.

The alarm stopped by 8:30PM and classes continued ... my students convinced me to continue next class.

By the time I got home to see what is going on I was really concerned that I might not have a house. We lost power, luckily I had flash lights. In my back yard I had only a couple of big branches from the cottonwood tree I have in the backyard. The swing, chair, Taylor's toys, all crumbled in the fence along with branches. A big pile of mess that I cleaned pretty easily.

Thursday was really hot and humid. Daytime up to 101F. In the evening when I came out of classes, and exit the building my glasses got foggy, like in the winter when one enters the house, or when entering a bathroom. It was haze, so humid I could see the steam. We did not have power till this morning at 6AM. We tried out the basement of our house as bedroom. In the house last evening 10PM were 84F. So, I made a bed for us downstairs. Taylor did not want first to stay there, she run out and run in the bed, but realized it is very hot, and dark, and I do not go up. Finally she just cuddled in my arms and we slept till 5:30AM this morning.

When I looked outside I thought it is fog... it was haze. Very humid, very warm.
Another strom passed by around 11AM, but not dangerous, just a little wind and two drops of rain. One more rain very short around 7PM. Now is calm. It is supposed to cool down over the weekend.

My neighbor's property was covered with branches from the trees. His trees were badly damaged. In the neighborhood yesterday and today people were cleaning up after the tornado. Many trees were damaged, broken like tooth picks.

The news presents 472,000 people without power. We are lucky to have a basement to our house. Now we have electricity. Midwest besides being so hot and humid in summer, it is also pretty scary.
We are safe and sound, and do not have damage. Thank God!

Dog friendly

Many would say that people who have dogs are friendlier than the rest. But then those who have cats are friendly with cat people, and those who have birds, and the "fish tankers" also are friendly with other fish owners. So, I would be biased against all kind of pet owners if I would say that different categories or only certain type of pet owners are friendly. Farmers when they meet farmers are friendly too, and teachers when meeting other teachers are friendly also.

Yes, you got it, it is all about commonalities. What are the common things we can connect from the first moment that gives us the feeling of being "friends".

I am happy to hear someone is from Europe, and very excited to hear Hungarian, Romanian, or French speaking people :-) they are "my kind" because I understand them and have something in common before knowing anything else about them. Did you ever travel abroad? Did you ever get excited when let's say you were in Rome, or Paris and you heard someone speaking English, American English...? How happy were you? Didn't you feel that that person, you never met before, is your best friend! :-)

Taylor opened for me doors to many people's hearts. Here my best friends are dog people.

Here Taylor with her boyfriend :-) Trevor. They were in obedience and agility classes together. She loves Trevor, even if she does not meet him too often these days, Trevor is already in advanced competition class, Taylor still repeating the beginning agility. It's not the dog, is the handler - we do not have the obstacles yet, so we practice with Trevor's agility course (and Terri) from time to time. Trevor will compete in two weeks in agility. We will go to cheer for him!

I dream of a time when we can take our dogs everywhere! Till then we dog people connect from the first words. We recognize each other by our dogs' names. As my mail man... We met in front of Petsmart, but he did not recognize me, but he did recognize Taylor - who barks ferociously when he "takes something out of our mail box!" Then we laughed that he did not see me but only Taylor! And kids on my street know my name "Taylor's mom" - they forget my real name but they don't forget Taylor's name.

We, dog friendly people :-)

P.S.
The weather is not dog friendly at all.
Daytime 99F heat, 83% humidity, and 112F heat index; night goes down to 78F.
Wednesday prognosis 100F and Thursday 101F!

First steps

My first horse riding class :-)
My horse is Blueberry, a white, 7 years old very calm, and long bearing mare. I brushed her and put the saddle on, then I got to climb on :-) Poor Blueberry ... I am three times as heavy as any little kid from the summer camp at Triangle H Farm. I have to learn how to not dump myself on the horse's back, I'll break her back. Cindy my instructor is a retired jokey after 15 years in the racing. She is very patient (as Blueberry).

I had mixed feelings: excitement and anxiety. I do have a helmet, don't worry, and Blueberry knows new ones like me who saw a horse only from the ground.

I love it!!! I really do, I would go every day not one hour/week only.
For sure when I retire I will live on a ranch with horses around and JRTs.
I will have that red barn and stables with horses.
Hey, remember, that's my dream since I was six!

One year anniversary

July 14th, 2005-2006.
It is one year today since I moved here in this hot and humid beautiful place :-)
I remember last year how small and remote Edwardsville looked after coming from Tucson.
Today driving home from doing my groceries I smiled thinking that I got used to drive the 12ML between the corn fields, watching the black cows, and now waiting patiently for the water in the lake to raise again to normal level. Not too much rain here, feels like Tucson (but much humid, like in monsoon time).

Taylor loves the green grass and to swim in the lake. We don't love the humidity! Today is a very hot 96F with 63% humidity, makes 107 heat index (must be like in Hell), feels much worse than 110 F in Tucson. I stopped to buy peaches from a farmer, he will have corn, tomatoes, and peppers soon. I love my house, I love to live here out in the corn fields... In this past year I made friends with my neighbors (dog walking ladies). Kids on my block know Taylor, and they say "Hi Taylor's Mom" :-)
My across door neighbors just moved to Kansas City, someone else moved in this past Monday, but I did not see them home. A new beautiful house was built on my street. Of course the big dent in front of my house was not repaired yet, and I found another handy man to fix my electric problem, and I put myself the reinforcers in my closets. I did not find yet a handyman to fix the gutters... Since it does not rain I really don't need gutters.

It's hard to think I am in my house for one full year, but it is true. This is the dream accomplished. I cannot complain. Slowly I got used to SIUE and my disappointments were alleviated (partially). I am very busy, couple of deadlines, and 52 take home exams to grade.
Tonight we go with Jo Ann (Molly's mom) to State Fair ( a musical at SIUE), then Sunday we go on the lake with Sandy and Jerry's boat, then all have dinner. God has blessed me with good neighbors.

It takes time to feel home. It is good to be home!
Life is good! :-)

Busy summer

I am grading take home exams (blogs). I have two sections (28+23 students). I did not realize it takes such a huge amount of time. Even if I already read most of them (those who started earlier and improved their work upon my feedback) I have some who posted the day before the due day, that is yesterday. Procrastination is a disease :-)

I have my due days also to submit my proposals and because of this summer teaching I will find myself in the group of procrastinators.

Research first! So, what should I do when there are only 24 hours in a day? I sleep less than 5 hours/night and feel more and more tired. Still to hang on till the end of this month when class ends as well as my due dates for submissions. Everything needs to take place in the same time.

Some of the students are frustrated because they had to work more on this exam than they expected and planned for a summer class. Some asked me how does a blog improve them as teachers? Dah .... On more skill they had no clue about before coming to this class. Some did not even hear ever the word "blog" did not know what a hyperlink is and never did a library search for articles. Anyhow....

Taylor keeps busy fishing :-) in her pool. She learned by now that when she is hot she goes in the pool to cool down. Then goes back to digging and all muddy comes in the house. She is very bored and very angry at the computer. She barks at me when I am looking at the monitor not at her!

I am tired! I need to do something to get away from computer and books. Even with all deadlines ahead! I would like to learn how to ride a horse.
There is a place close where they offer riding classes called Triangle H Farm. I'll give it a try. I love horses and always wanted to ride a horse.

Happy Independence in America!

Happy Independence Day America!

Independence is very important and close to my heart, it has also a very special meaning for me.

Independence carries the hopes of my grandparents in the time of Second World War. They waited for the Americans to come and free them from Hitler and his army, but instead the communist came over like a pest.
Then they waited for the Americans to come and free us from the communists... but the communists took all their properties, kicked my father out of school, and never gave a chance to my mother to continue her studies. My grandparents longed and died waiting for Independence.

My father could never forgive and forget the communists, they took his family's belongings, his father and father-in-law both died shortly after the communists forced them to give away their property. They were just hard working middle class people, they did not have big fortune, but with what they had they could afford schooling for their children. Once the communists took it all my grandfathers died both of heart attack, they just could not bear the pain and sorrow. My father never went to college, even though he had excellent potential. The communists took it all, they took his future.

I grew up learning a history from the history books in school, and another history told by my parents and trusty elders. I grew up fearing that my Dad will end up in jail because he was often swearing at the communist party and all communists. I grew up in fear each time he was not coming home from work in time... We did not have a phone at that time, so each time when he was late Mom and I were praying that he would not be taken by the Militia for swearing and talking badly about communism.

I grew up listening to the Voice of America, and Europe Free broadcasting on the radio, and feeling the luckiest to be able to listen in both languages Hungarian and Romanian. Looking forward to hear news from America, the Land of Independence and Dreams Come True.

I grew up going to church in secret because each holiday we the young communist pioneers had to go to activities not to church. How it hurt my Dad to see the red tie around my neck, the symbol of those who killed his Father... but we had to comply, for fear...

I grew up admiring America and being completely amazed when I first saw a one dollar bill and written on it "In God we trust." That really was the land of dreams come true if they could write the name of God on their currency bills.

I grew up having a dream, since I was six, to have a ranch in Texas :-)

I grew up with the dream of being a fugitive; to run away from the country and never look back, to run away from the communists, but never dared to do it because I was the only child and was too worried to leave my parents behind to the "mercy" of communists.

I grew up having a dream of Independence!
I grew up dreaming of and admiring America!

Before I came to America I was told that I will have a cultural shock. I never had, I felt from the first day like the right fish in the right pond :-) I felt like coming home.

And here I am... my dream came true. I am in America, the land of God, the land of opportunities and real dreams, the land of Independence! I love this country in a way I never could love the place I was born in and where I grew up. This country is the dream of my grandparents, and parents, and the dream of my childhood. I would give my life for this country. America welcomed me and gave me the opportunity to realize all that I dreamed of, and even more than I dared to hope for... I accomplished the dreams of my grandparents, the dreams my Father never had the chance to accomplish, and I accomplished through hard work more than I dared to dream!
I accomplished the dream of Independence!
No matter where I will go in this world I will belong to this land of God.

Americans are so blessed, but many don't realize that. Independence is so precious, it is a dream come true. The best dream ever!

God bless America!

Midwest tempo

Right after I moved here to the Midwest I noticed that things are slower, and that people react slower than in the Southwest.
Last summer I needed to have the storm door installed to have a doggie door for Taylor. My storm door and doggie door were for a whole month in the garage till after many calls the handy man finally came to install it. Taylor was really happy!

In the fall I talked with a landscaper to come and continue the landscape from the front of my house to the side. The Winter came and went away, and then the Spring was here. Finally in late March the landscaper came (after many many phone calls).

First week of April kind of the same time when my landscaping was complete, a handy man completed the work on the air duct (from my dryer to the back side of the house - since the builder directed the air duct out into the garage!). The same handy man promised that the following week will come and complete the work on my gutters. The water from the sump-pump comes out to the side of my house, and since there is no slope on my property the stinky water makes a little pond and is also a mosquito nursery. It is July! I called since then almost every week to ask if he will come... My neighbor Frank needs to have the exact same work done, the handy man proposed to have both works done in the same time to not rent twice the digging machine. Frank and I agreed to split the rental price.

No one came and since then Frank called him and I called him taking turns.
Two weeks ago I got impatient (it was slowly end of June and three month since the work was promised to be done). I called the handy man and asked if he is still interested in doing the job. He said he will come to take measures that Saturday.
Frank promised he will call also, and the handy man said he will be at the house 9AM. Saturday came and 9Am passed. By 11AM I called Frank to ask him if he has any news from our handy man... Frank laughed and told me to be patient since people are laid back here in the Midwest. And sooner or later, perhaps more later than sooner, we will have the job done.

That Saturday the handy man got to see Frank's property and stopped by my house just to tell me he is late to little league tournaments with his kid and he will come next day.
You guessed, he never came back!

I think I just give up and start to search for a new handy man.
Frank still tells me that in the end he will come and that I have to be patient since people are not as fast as I think, it takes time, "people around here are laid back."

But it is three months since that work was supposed to be completed.
I wonder what are the limits that a person can be named "laid back" before it is named "lazy" or "bad worker"? Or is it me that I expect people be eager to do a job?
No, I think it is me being too patient and not searching for another service provider. It seems Midwest tempo is defintely not my tempo!

Having the responsibilities of owning a house is not easy task. But hey, I am learning :-)

New skills

Yesterday I cooked Indian food (chicken and rice) and invited my friends from India, Sunita and Siva. Siva, who graduated from SIUE in May from Computer Science helped me fix my official SIUE web page ( I am still working on it) using Dreamweaver.
At UA I used the FrontPage, uploading all my files using the Secure Shell. At that time it was so easy and I really enjoyed learning how to fix my course web page. Then I moved to SIUE where I could not use directly Front Page but I need to transfer it all using FTP
Siva and Sunita were explaining me the real basics, and since they did not have too much time Siva just started the mainframe of template for my web page. Then showed me how to use the link feature between the pages. Sunita learned the basics about Dreamweaver from Siva but then she became better than her master since she was the webmaster for the College of Engineering. Very smart young lady :-)

After they left I told myself is better to try just a page to make sure I got all correctly and not forget till in the morning what Siva showed me.

It's interesting that all of us when we become masters in a domain we forget how really hard was to learn that stuff, and when we teach others we kind of skip some real basic steps, that seem to us (the experts) self explanatory, but for the novice they are essential steps to know.
Also those of us who learn a skill that becomes "old" once we use it, we have a hard time in learning new stuff when the old interferes with the new (this is called proactive interference).

So, I first messed up all that Siva worked, just because I really forgot in like 30 minutes after they left. Then since I really wanted to KNOW it I Googled it and learned and tried it out till I messed up all of it and started it all from scratch!
At 2:30AM I just gave up. But continued in the morning till... Hooray! I got it, I know the basics, and I am now able to fix my official SIUE site.

Sunita was just smiling, remembering how frustrated she was in the beginning, but technology, like any drug :-) gets one hooked.
I am glad I learned another cool skill!

Cool tech

This weekend a friend on mine from U of A, helped me fix a computer problem. The coolest thing was that Michael is in Tucson, AZ, and I am here in Edwardsville, IL... and we worked on the same computer. LogMeIn helped us in our work.


Till the computer was doing some clean up we could chat using Word Pad, at times we were fighting for power, wanting to write in the same time and the computer was being confused :-)
But just chatting online, writing only seemed to not be enough, since I wanted to see his little dog Dalai, and we switched to Breeze. I could see and hear them . Unfortunately I still have my little camera on the bookshelf behind my computer and not installed. I did regret that it was not functioning since if it would have been we could have the girls "talk" to each other, especially that Dalai is baby sitting a hamster. Taylor would kill the little thing, but Dalai being a Tibetan not a "killer dog" she is pretty good.
I'll have the camera ready on next time and we can have a live chat-bark :-)

It is so cool! Technology is the best invention ever. I wish I could be alive in another 200 years to see what is new and how people communicate.
But I'll just have to imagine that.

To smile or cry?

I don't know what to do when Taylor diggs for the moles in our backyard... I spend money on seeding, treating, and watering the spare grass. Now it gets nicer since I seeded 5 times in the last year! But moles go around and Taylor knows is something in there. So, she starts digging... And she makes bigger dammage than the mole itself. But Taylor knows this is her job, to get the underground quarry :-)

She gets so excicted, she diggs and chewes on grass, and makes the hole with feet and mouth, and teeth. She is ferocious in getting that somebody down there.
Should I be mad, or cry that she ruins my work, and money?... Better I acknowledge her breeed features and am happy for her, and just laugh and take pictures :-)

My friend Michael wrote a haiku on his little pup on his blog :

black dog dirt digging
thunder in the distant clouds
she looks up just once

Just a short "translation" to our neck of the woods :-)

White dog dirt digging
No rain in the distant clouds
She keeps digging in the grass

Missouri Earth Dogs JRTCA trial

Saturday and Sunday Taylor had lots of fun. She found the rat in the go-to-ground, run after the lure, she did not found the rat in the barn but remembered the go-to-ground place and run from the barn back to the tunnel. She is smart :-) She loved chasing the squirrels tail and jumping over the hurdles.
She did a pretty good job staying in her x-pen the entire time I volunteered at the conformation show.
It was really hot and humid... Two days after that Taylor did nothing else but sleep. I thought she is sick or something. She was just so tired of all that excitement.

I love seeing her so happy. She recognizes already the place and of course knows her cousins' barking and she gets very excited.
They had this Fun place with a Lure Challenge really neat built, like an agility course with a lure going through the obstacles and the dog needs to chase it. Taylor loved that the most!

I hope another fun day will be soon and I will be able to take her to enjoy the crowd again.

My "fun" this week were the 30x3 paper assignments to grade by tomorrow.
I just finished grading and posting the grades on Blackboard. Tomorrow is the last day of this section. Monday I move to 1PM section. It's pretty intense and I don't have too much time for my projects, which I really hate!
I can't wait to see how the results from my two projects look like. I will see them soon since my deadline for submissions is July 1st... I predict more white nights :-)

Love with purpose

Since 2000 I grow my hair with a purpose: Locks of Love.
Since my hair grows very slow it takes 3-4 years to have a 13" length gift and be left with something myself :-)
I love my hair, it is a nice hair. I really take care of it, and I use good shampoo and conditioner (Biosilk, Abba, Biogenol). The good news is that here my hair is much healthier than down in AZ, since it is not as dry, and is much curlier, it does not grow faster though :-)

I expect that by Christmas or my birthday next year my hair will be long enough to be a gift of love.
My Mom had very long hair, till her ankle. I cut it off for her till her shoulders; I think it was ten years ago, and now is back as long as her extended hand. My Mom's hair grows like grass in my yard :-) Her hair is much nicer, much stronger, now is grey, but once was dark brown, almost black.

I had my first ever hair cut when I graduated middle school and went off to commute for high school. I remember when I cut my hair my Mom was very upset. It was Dad who came with me to the hair salon to have it cut. I left having my hair longer than my hand and I came home with shoulder-long hair and the rest of it in a plastic bag ... I cried morning and evening for two weeks, and Mom cried with me. Then when I graduated from high school I had another major hair cut. That was by a mistake, the hair dresser choped up my hair and the only way to have a decent shape for graduation was to cut it all. I had the shortest hair among all guys (boys also!). My hair was less than 1"! I had little round eye glasses (the John Lennon style). On the class pictures everyone thought I was a boy :-) Then I went to college and I kept my hair short till after graduation when I started my engineering career. Then I started to grow my hair again.

But now I don't just throw my hair in the trash. I make a gift to Locks of Love and I feel very good about that. I don 't mind having for Christmas short hair again. Actually I am looking forward, knowing that someone will be happy to have it and perhaps the person will think about how much I loved my hair to make it a Christmas gift.

Full house

Yesterday we had a full house. Oliver (the dog) is visiting with us since last Thursday until next Sunday because his owners are vacationing in Spain. Kinga (5 years, in red pants with Taylor) and Jordan (2 1/2 years, holding tight to Oliver) were here 10Am to 1Pm to play.

We started with coloring in books and then painted some crafts. Kinga choose the butterfly, Jordan the dog (obviously she was more interested by Oliver than us the humans), and I painted a turtle to give it as a gift to a friend who collects them (actually she collects frogs...). Then we took a walk to the beach where they climbed the play house, and took a swing (till they got bored and we needed to move one). We had lunch then played some more :-)
I don't know who had more fun: we the humans or the two dogs, perhaps all of us!

I enjoyed the two little girls, I know I am good with kids, and always was better with kids than with adults. Adults are so serious, they have those big people talks, they are not as fun as little ones. With kids we can invent games, we can laugh, and change quick the topic of conversation and play (they get bored fast), we do things! Perhaps that is the most important in our relation "We do things!"

When teaching about gender issues to my students I mention that friendship relations are many times different for women and men. Usually women sitting face-to-face enjoy talking and sharing emotions, words, tears, touch and hugs. Men usually are shoulder-to-shoulder and doing something, might design a project, build, share opinions looking at something (be it a car, a lawn, or watching a game). I also mention that many times this categorization falls into the category of stereotype, since there are men who love just talking to their male or female friends, as there are women who base their friendships on the action part in their relationship to female or male friends.

Thinking about my relationships and asking myself why I feel more comfortable with kids I realize that it is not kids by exception I enjoy, but it is the "doing" part of it. Just sitting and talking, chatting, sharing the words is not pleasurable for me. I need to feel the person involved in a common goal. I need to look at the same target with my friends, to do together something, to build a common good, to have a common goal. And then I tell myself that it is not the gender stereotype, but it is personality style. For me it is more important to have a common goal that we can base our friendship, words alone become a ground for friendship only if shared for building a common goal. I need to create something with words, I need a target, I need to build with words, otherwise they become just plain talk which in my opinion is boring!

I will forever be an engineer :-)
Oh, this is another stereotype...

Racehorse

When we were applying for jobs and going to interviews my friend Scott said once that if I am hired those who hire me don't know yet that they buy a racehorse. I did not understand what does he means and Scott explained me that it stands for "hard worker." :-) Scott said that when I start the race then I run it all the way with full speed.

There are also other kind of "horses" that do not race, and do not even work hard...

I am wondering if the racehorse will ever understand the backyard horse who walks at leisure slowly moving his little carriage. Will the racehorse ever wonder how can the other one be so slow and not even care?

OK, I do ask myself how in the world can someone not care about the work on which depends its future? I might be passionate about my work, or perhaps I really take it too serious... I don't mind spending numerous hours in doing my research, working lots of late nights to keep it going, and I really cannot understand how someone wants to get far without any effort. It is perhaps because I saw my parents work hard for all that they accomplished. It is because I worked very hard to accomplish my dream, and perhaps I think that there is not easy way to get to the goal but by working hard.

I still have 5 kids to test that is other 3 days after teaching. I can say that my research was "tones of time" since I am slowly to child 76 and each testing is 55 minutes. Just to go there it takes 40 minutes one way. Many many hours, many days, many miles driven, and gas spent... This is my race and I run it in the hopes that I will be a winner.

You know, I am sure that the racehorse must wonder how in the world can the other one be so slow and even don't care :-)

Thank you Scott for giving me a good name, glad I am not barn sour!

Like a sick child

Taylor is sick. She must have eat some poisonous bug on our walk or got a strep from obedience school from other puppies?
Last night we did not sleep too much, she woke up every other hour to throw up and go to bathroom having diarrhea.
I chose Dr. Olsen as her doctor because he cares for his own emergency patients. I never thought I will use it but this morning at 8AM I did called him. And Dr. Olsen called me back in 2 minutes (I think his cabinet phone is connected to a pager). He advised me to just give her ice cubes or water and keep an eye on her.

Taylor sleeps powerless, shivers from time to time, and cries in pain like a little sick puppy. I feel so helpless and I can't do anything else but keep her in my lap to comfort her. She did not even move when finally I got hungry and went to the kitchen to have lunch. Other times she was right there just hearing my steps going towards the kitchen. Now she rested between the warm blankets. I feel so helpless... and I think this is how many mothers with small babies must feel when the baby is sick. Babies as dogs/animals cannot tell you what is wrong, where it hurts, what they feel. What a Mother's Day...

A couple of weeks ago I read an article (I don't remember if in the news paper or in Time magazine or on the web?) about the importance of pets in women's life. "Many women dog owners see their dog as their child" and "many women would date their dogs if they were men."
Taylor definitely is my child and companion. Many psychological studies show the benefits of pets for depressed and elderly people. I know Taylor keeps my life in equilibrium. The fact that I feel happy today is in part due to having Taylor in my life. I am never alone.

She lost weight, she is "pale" (those who have a dear pet know what I mean), and I feel so helpless not being able to help her more. She threw up an hour ago (nothing since she did not even drink water), I'll wait a little more, if she throws up again Dr. Olsen said to call him back. Poor Taylor... and tomorrow I start summer classes and must leave to school 7Am and after that I have some meetings till 3PM. I think I will take her with me in case she gets worse I will just cancel all meetings and take her to Dr. Olsen.
Prayers are welcome.

Happy Mother's Day!

My Dad never remembers special celebration days (birthdays, anniversary, Mother's Day). I had to always remind him to get something for Mom for the special days. Now I am like my Dad. Even if TV and radio reminded me every day about Mother's Day I still forgot! I have a couple of "foster Moms" to remember for Mother's Day: in AZ, CA, and NY. I did remember Sha, and it was because we talked recently and she told me that for Mother's Day they are at a JRT trial and extended with vacation. I also remembered my Mom (even if there Mother's Day last Sunday, always on the first Sunday of May). But I forgot to remember in time my other foster Moms... Called them today and mailed cards today... of course they will not get there but only next week. In the rush and fever of my research and getting all ready for Monday's start of Summer classes I did not realize that times goes by so fast and that I need to mail cards a week sooner. As with Vince's birthday a couple of weeks ago now I was late with greeting all my Moms :-)

My real Mom is a wonderful person, she will never be called a saint, but I believe she is one. Loving, patient, helpful, forgiving, gracious, giving, generous with her time, money, life, and heart. I never met another person like my Mom. She has an extra sense, a special gift from God. She knows how to comfort and listen, how to encourage and help in time of need. She knows people, and can see what will be in the future. She is a wise person. I don't know anyone who prays like Mom and who believes in God as strong as she does, even if she is not a church going person she believes more than any regular clergy. When she prays she means it! We used to laugh and say that Mom is more Catholic than a bishop. She loved and respected John Paul II, even if she is not a Catholic (she belongs to the Reformed church). When I was soul searching and courted the thought of becoming a nun my Mom never said to not do it, she was never against it. She said what she usually tells me when I face a tough decision: "if you feel that this is what makes you happy, go for it."

My Mom is a saint, unknown, and she is now 66 years old. I cannot imagine life without her. I hope I will not have to! I know she loves me so much she would not die before me, just to spare me of the terrible pain. But that is in God's hands... I rejoyce in having her now!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM!
Happy Mother's Day to all my Moms!

Quantitative vs. Qualitative

The other day I was joyful saying how I love my research. Quantitative research takes so much time... I don't wonder anymore why my colleagues do not do quantitative research in education... and they focus all their efforts to do qualitative research (only!).

I started my research last semester and continued it this semester. Each day when I had some free time I drove to the elementary school I conducted my reaserch with K and 1st graders. Since it takes me a good hour (even if there are only 35 Ml) to get there I worked very slow in this semester but I speeded up with daily full day work in this short break between Spring and Summer semesters. This morning I drove as usual 8Am to possibly finish (since in a full day 8:30AM to 2:30PM I can work with a maximum of 5 children, due to their lunch break) but the kids had today Play Day! The secretary has forgotten to tell me yesterday that I will not be able to work today.

That is bad enough since I start from Monday to teach 8-11:15AM and even if I leave right after my class I can get there just to test two children 12:30 to 2:30PM. School will be over soon.
I appreciate all the help the Principal and teachers gave me, I appreciate the goodness and trust of parents who agreed to have their children participate in my study. When I started I did not think it will be so much time and effort invested in this. Lot of time, money on the Lego toys I use, money on the pictures I made for the Picture books, money on gas, driving, treats to kids, my time added in the nights to catch up with what I did not do in daytime :-) But I still love it! I come from a school where I was taught the value of quantitative research! Even when I do qualitative I must measure something, transform observations into numbers, compare and evaluate. My colleagues laugh at me how I want to do qualitative research. But that is how I think: I use numbers, I measure, and compare!

My other research I work with a colleague (since I need a second rater) might become two different projects. I think I completely scared him when I presented him what I need and want him to do. Got today a phone from him telling me that what was my idea would take him to rate "tones of time!" and he does not have time since is preapring to travel to Greece in vacation in two weeks. So, I'll let him do what he will want and that will be one project. I'll do my stuff and that will be a study.

I love it! Now in the coming weeks I will run after courses to the elementary school to continue and hopefully finish my study after more than half of year since I started it.
Wish me luck to get something out of it! With numbers... never know if the results will be statistically significant or not.

Captain Taylor

Yesterday our neighbors Sandy and Jerry invited Taylor and I, Jo Ann and Don, and one other friend of theirs to a boat ride and dinner afterwards.

The weather was wonderful. We all were concerned that it will be windy and cold, but the Sun was shining and the breeze was just pleasant. Only a couple of clouds were flying on the sky. The boat was going slowly splitting the clear and peaceful waters. It was a gorgeous day.

Taylor and Snikers (their little Shi Tzu) were enjoying the ride. Taylor was more courageous she liked to look over the waters like a little captain searching for the way ahead.

It was interesting seeing from the other side our dam and the little beach we walk every day. We have seen many beautiful houses on the lake also. Taylor was almost ready to jump to swim a couple of times, but I did not let her jump since the waters are still cold.

In a month or so Taylor will enjoy swimming again :-)

Picture or words...

"A picture is worth a thousand words!" - this is true for only some of us!
Even though I teach about learner type and always draw my students' attention that there are three basic big categories people learn stuff: Visual learners (who need charts, drawings, and pictures), auditive learners (who need to listen and hear the sounds of the words), and kinesthetic learners (who need to do things, motor action, and act upon the task to be learned). I am definitely a visual learner, and am aware of the other types of learning since I do use them at times for certain tasks. When taking a learning style test actually I scored almost equal in all three, with two points difference having on top the visual learning style.
Depends on what I am asked to do I use a certain style, and I think this is how most of us learners are.

I did not thought that the difference might be so stringent when we talk about maps.
If you give me a map I can go around the world, I never get lost if I have a map and I know where is North. I am not too good on reading the stars, but I know where the Sun is :-)
I traveled the West coast from Tucson, AZ up to Eugene, OR. I visited ten major cities on my 3940ML long trip in 18 days and never got lost, not once. I had maps!

Yesterday I realized that the saying "a picture worth a thousand words" is not true for everyone when it comes about driving directions. I tried to tell a friend of mine how to drive to a furniture store that goes out of business (big savings!) in a little town close to my subdivision. The moment I took a sheet of paper she jumped to tell me "Don't you dare draw me again a map!" And that was because when I invited her to dinner to my house I draw her a very nice map with all major roads, arrows for directions, and even showing the North, but she and her husband managed to get lost, call me from the road to give them directions, and arrived here two hours later :-) They just could not figure out and use the map.

This time I started to use the in-words driving directions style. It seems in my mind I just put the map in words because when she read the directions she told me "Now, this is no better than your maps, what is North, East, West, write me down where I turn Right and where I turn Left!"

The weird thing was that yesterday I received some driving directions to a place I will go today to dinner and were all in words! The person did not list the actual address, and gave the major road from downtown St. Louis (I did not get as far in the last year), the final destination was "the third house on the left" so I couldn't just do a google map search. It was my turn to ask for the address and pop up for myself a picture map :-)
The only time I ever get lost while driving is if I have only words "turn left, turn right, bla, bla, bla"
I need to see it! I am Thomas unbeliever :-)

John Lennon face

It was last December for the School of Education Christmas party when from a joke with a very interesting and famous painter - Dennis DeToye - my picture was taken. Just joking I told him that he should paint my face since he might never have the chance again to paint someone from Transylvania. Dennis DeToye painted my portrait, and graciously gave it to me as a gift. Now finally it is hanging on the wall of my living room. What is interesting is that everyone who sees it asks me if I love so much John Lennon to have his portrait painted for me :-) This is not the first time I am told that my face resembles John Lennon's (which is an extraordinary honor !). When I was in high school I had exactly these round glasses as John Lennon and very short hair, just like him. When we had our pictures taken the photographer mentioned that I might be his relative, and everyone who saw that picture they saw the resemblance (I had the shortest hair among all graduates, including boys!).

So, I will not tell anyone that the portrait is actually mine, it is John Lennon! :-)

Love my work!

Today it dawned on me that I am a happy person. And it did because I realized I love doing research! In the last weeks I was in a small elementary school doing my project on listening comprehension with children K and 1st grade (5 to 7 years of age). It's so interesting to see how they think, what performance they have, how they talk, and how they play. It is amazing to see the children thinking! I also developed a respect for elementary school teachers, for their effort, patience, and smile. Don't understand me wrong, I do not dream about being elementary school teacher, nor higher grades, and even if I am a college teacher I don't consider that my most important feature. OK, don't tell this to those administrative people responsible for my tenure :-) I just LOVE doing research! I am happy when I do, and I do not mind to be at school from 8:30AM to 2:30PM every day. My research goes so slow I am afraid I won't be done in time, but I love what I am doing. Every day I come home tired but so happy, I am completely joyful! I am excited and happy to leave early morning drive 40 minutes to that school and meet new kids.

I was wondering why I am not as excited when I do teaching? What makes the difference between teaching and research? Perhaps the fact that research means being a teacher and a student in the same time. Knowing what one is looking for, having a research design, but in the same time being inquisitive and learning from the conducted experiment. Also it is the difference that every study is a new one. I know you will tell me to make every time my courses different, which I do! I change every semester something, I experiment with my style.

I wish research would be my main task, then teaching just when I would like to, and the service to be at my choice and not according to fixed and required demands. I will never like the administrative part of my job. I am not against accountability, I am just against things that I personally do not consider important ...

If I were to choose a perfect job that would be a research position done in teams, with changing team members, and changing tasks. Always a new task once the current one is accomplished. I would like to be allowed to use much creativity, flexibility, flexible hours, and flexible places to work (I definitely work better from home in my living room than from SIUE in my small office with no windows). I do not mind working 12 hours when something needs to be done by deadline, but don't ask me to do administrative tasks that have nothing to do with the project I am working on. The place where I work is important for me, I love windows and natural light. Of course the perfect place to work would allow me to bring Taylor since she is most of the times cuddling in her bed or in my lap, and I would not worry that she is alone. I would like to continue teaching part-time. I like to be in contact with students, to push them think, to help them develop their knowledge, and to be myself a student, since I learn every semester from my own teaching. Training or teaching should be part of my dream job.

But till I get that dream job, I enjoy doing my research, and the groups of students as I had this semester.

I am a happy person! Thank God!

End of semester

The picture is of my EPFR 315 students. They are good students, talkative, inquiring, and thinking of what they learn. Some were better than others, but I think (and hope) all have grown into better professionals. A couple of them have good writing skills, other ones have struggled a lot with writing, but improved along the semester, using my feedback.
I really hope all enjoyed the blogs (some struggled with it). I pushed them to think about the theories we learned, to reflect, and give examples of use in their future career.
Some told me that they never thought about the connections I was "forcing" them to make... I feel close to them, I really will miss meeting with them twice a week, and spending my weekends checking on their postings :-)
I won't have too much time to miss this work since I continue to teach this summer starting May 15th. I'll teach the Adolescence class I taught in the Fall (and I know at least one of these students above will take the course again, that will be fun to have one familiar face).

With the graduates I did not get as closer. Last semester my small sections were much closer. It is so much about class dynamics, it depends so much who are the students in the class. I have some great students in the graduate group. I see all of them developing and becoming better thinkers. I know, and I learned that they did not like the constructive style I used, giving feedback to improvement instead of grades for each performance. I was looking for mastery and improvement through the use of feedback. I think I did not do a good job of describing in the beginning this style, I should have been much more explicit, presenting my reasons in details. I am convinced that my style did work.

I received an e-mail from one of my students (in EPFR 515) who thanked me for using this style that made her broke the schema and scrip about what a graduate course means. She wrote that she learned a lot and will apply in her work what we learned.
This is a praise that any teacher would dream about!
I know they know more and have better skills because of this course. I also know they were uncomfortable because is a different style. I might back up a little and combine and meet them at the middle. Innovation is good, but needs to be implemented in small steps.

AAUW

I even forgot to tell you the news that I revived the AAUW branch at SIUE.
It started all with not being accepted to any of the boards and committees I applied for last semester. I never got farther than my e-mail application and request to be part of the committees and boards and task force groups, which resulted always in rejection.
Then I thought I should search for the AAUW branch since all my graduate student life I was a member at large. I thought those might need a volunteer or something and can help me out to have some service for my tenure file. But inquiring for that I found out that the branch was disbanded and there are only two other branches in Alton and Wood River. Of course I asked what needs to be done to revive the SIUE branch... So, I got the answer that I should start by gathering members. After many e-mails on the faculty listserve which were not responded but by the girls in my department, I decided to make an action. If women faculty will see activity perhaps would be more interested in becoming a member.

Previously I was at Women faculty meetings and I found out their interest: Family Friendly University Policy. Next, I started sending e-mails to executives and other people in AAUW. Many were the ideas and offers, but I was stubborn and wanted a professional to talk having good knowledge and experience with the law and policy making. Finally after many many many e-mails, that all were nagging and sometimes harsh, I got what I asked for. Sarah Warbelow from the Legal Advocacy Fund came down from Washington DC. Last Monday April 17th, we had the action. We were around 26 in total with the help from other branches. Linda Henning Cohen our State Membership VP came down from Chicago also. Sarah had many good ideas, I took lots of notes. Now there are 25 members and we had elections.

We had elections and I ended up having the gavel :-)
Yes, I am the new President of AAUW SIUE - Edwardsville - Glen Carbon branch.
Now I have something to do next...

Make them think

I take a short break to post this. My eyes are tired and I lost patience reading on my students' final exams blogs. The whole idea was to make them think. I knew they hate papers, and if I ask them to write me a final exam of 20 pages they will be in rage. I also wanted to bring something new in... I mentioned before the reasons behind the blog as final exam.
The grad students did a good job. After all the pain and intensity of the semester I think I reached my goal. They do think about the content. More or less... some of the postings are very good. But even the ones who have more trouble with the content they still are able to think about good examples in the classroom.

My undergrads are not as deep (some are very good, the best of my students). Some postings are rushed, just to have the job done! My work is long and hard... to read 52 blogs. And not only one time since I give them comments then I have to go back and see what and how they modified. And all are impatient. Take a couple of very short nights, better said short sleep... But I hope the end result is that they do think and are able to apply the content learned. I think because I reduced the lectures to minilecture and asked them to read the text, and discuss in class, reflect, and give examples, and show how they will apply it; all that helped them to understand and think critically about what they learn. And hopefully remember better (meaningful and personalized information should stay longer in memory).

The only easy in this style is that I have all online, can access it anytime (OK when the blogger.com is not down) , and they have instant feedback and do not have to wait till next class time. I like this style. I am not sure though how to use it in summer session. It is 3 weeks course daily 3hours 15 min class. But I will be able to use it for graduate class which is 2 months with one meeting/week for 4 hours 30 min.

OK, it's midnight ... I will finish reading and commenting all blogs tonight that students can work on this weekend.
And I must finish an article for submission also. No car washing this weekend again. My car is so dirty... I cannot belive, and it makes me nervous. I have to find a neighbor's kid who wants to make some $ on car washing.

Easter guest

You guessed, we had Oliver as a guest for Easter.
Taylor and Oliver had fun playing till I was working on school stuff. Oliver's owners were in a trip, so Oliver spent Easter weekend with us. He is a very sweet dog and Taylor likes him, but she tells him who is the boss when it comes about food.


Easter just came upon me this year. I did not have time to think about it, I feel now so guilty. Lent... I forgot about fasting... I am still on a high cholesterol diet so I really do not eat meat. I should have avoid chocolate... I keep it low. In fact I did not do anything for this Lent, not even reconcile with myself. Easter this year just came upon me.

God must be disappointed... Sometimes I feel guilty that I dive so deep into secular life and keep the minimal Sunday church going as spirituality. Do I wish to do more? Not really... Sadly...
I think the time when I was so enthusiastic about becoming a nun has gone also. It was only because I wanted to change careers, and once I decided to go back to school, my desire of becoming a "Sister" has vanished slowly. I love God even if I am not a nun, and I am sure He loves me as much as he loves all of us, his children! I might not be the best of them... I try to stay on track, I try to listen more, and did come back from being astray.

Easter is all about the resurrection, and Hope. I feel I "died" a couple of times in my life, and raised from my ashes. I lost and found Hope. God has been so gracious and generous to me. Over and over again! God is good, and loving, and forgives those who trust in Him.
I learned in the last 44 years to let go, let God, and trust that all will turn for good if I do trust in Him. At times was very hard to let go, to trust, and hope. I was not the clay mixed with water for God to form a pot. I was the stone, that needed to be slowly and painfully sculpted and polished to be transformed into a cup. God has used hard tools and diamonds to polish me, to broke the hardness, stubbornness, and water to wash the dust.
I wonder if the cup of stone is finished? Does it need more sculpting, polishing, and washing?

I think it does need, and I hope it won't be as painful as it was.
Easter is all about Hope! - my second guest this Easter...

My Mother said once that I am like a little branch in a sour cherry tree. They are extremely flexible. One can bend them in a circle and they never break. Then once you let it go the little shoot will pop back into its original length. Mom said that Life has bent me many times, but each time, after God gave me a little break, I popped back and continued my growth... Mom is so symbolic.

Hope is like that... is flexible, never breaks, even if bended and twisted, it will come back to its original shape. Hope will always see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if the tunnel is winding in the darkness. Hope will always see the rainbow above the dark clouds in the sky.
Hope and Love... even in the darkness never misses the target.
Hope goes forward against all hopes.
Might be that Love is the greatest, but what would be without Hope?

AERA @ San Francisco

Last long weekend (April 7-11) I was at AERA conference in San Francisco.
I am glad I visited San Francisco in 2003 because at this time around I did not have time to go visit anything. I really enjoyed AERA. At times is so frustrating that I could not be in three places at once :-) So many good (or at least appealing titles) presentations to go to. Then one time it turned out to not be what I was expecting, but to go from one place to the other would take me 15 minutes so I would loose from both... Just stay there and hope the next person will have a better presentation.
I've met new people, learned much, and was tired of running between persentations:-)

Most of all in this trip I realized how much I missed the big city. I forgot how beautiful can be in the crowd, with streets one walks, cars that stop at a jam, horns, bands singing at corners, the feeling of running life, and alive city. I am here in the corn fields... Of course I wanted to be in a quiet place, rural area, to have far away neighbors... I think I was tired after graduation and job search! Definitely!
I miss the big city, the opportunities to go to museums, meetings, programs, movies, parks...
I never thought I will miss the city, but I do!

Planning on technology

I think I got tired of my bulky 3-binder organizer. It takes half of compartment of my school case and it is heavy! I think the "heavy" is the main point here. I flip the pages to find things and the pages in the last year already got worn out. I want to have the same info on my organizer as on my computer without always writing it twice. I want to find the information at a click of a button, to not have to search through the pages. Might be I got too used with the click of the mouse on computer.
Conclusion: I decided I will make myself a gift at the end of scholar year, a "graduation" gift of my first year as Assistant Prof .
Since I decided I cannot afford to fly this summer to Europe (the tickets and entire trip being way too expensive for my present budget), and I will teach all summer long, I need a new toy :-)

Perhaps many would be surprised to find a woman making herself a "male" gift. This is the stereotype that men will buy for themselves electronics, tools, or cars. Perhaps that is why I never got married... I dream that Mr. Right will buy me a red Corvette, or a Harley-Davidson, or a professional camera, a plasma TV home theater, a Palm Pilot for Christmas :-) Hey, this is on my Christmas wish list, why does it bother you?

Since I did not meet yet Mr. Right, I decided to buy for myself a Palm Tungsten this summer (oh by the way, my gift subscription ended in mid March, but I did not use it but 4-5 times in the three months I had it. Lack of time, or lack of interest?). I consider the palm pilot a wise and very useful investment, and fun also! I am very excited of the new toy. Over the summer I will have more time to play with it.

Use caution!

Again I uploaded a picture created by this young man who calls his blog "Lost Puppy's Liar."
This picture represents what I feel now... advancing towards the dangerous and overwhelming Ocean... having too much on my plate, trying to keep in balance my work and my personal life. Slowly the work takes over and comes dangerously close, like the water invading the hall. I try to keep a good track in my calendar of what I must do next, but sometimes I feel PMS (Poor Management Syndrome - this is from a cute little card I found in the bookstore). There are moments when I feel sweating just because I remember something I completely forgot. I remember that I did not look in my calendar to see the next task. Perhaps I should program my cell phone to call myself to remind me to look in my calendar :-) Isn't this crazy? And where is my personal life? Oh, there is not listed in my calendar! Nights are shorter and shorter, as my walks with Taylor. Only the Saturday mornings get a little longer, and I wonder if Taylor knows when is Saturday? She might since only Saturdays we go to the long roads that she loves.

Then I feel frustration since I try to be flexible and in the same time to accommodate my students. Of course I am aware that when I am loved by half of the class, then the other half will hate me. Perhaps is an utopic desire to have a perfect course? This semester it seems I have a hit with my undergraduates. I feel we talk the same language :-) They are active and I feel all of us enjoy our meetings on Monday and Wednesday. I use similar methods for graduates, and my feeling is that I have some who love me dearly and some who can't stand the class. Students come with the schema that the teacher is there to "teach" and teaching means delivering information, lecturing, telling the students what, how, and when. I try to be flexible, not giving too many directions, guidelines, but giving suggestions about what I would expect as a good performance. I do not evaluate for product as much as I evaluate the process. Some of my students complained that they need me to teach, have me tell them their grades up till now. I gave this class tons of feedback (verbal and written feedback), on their discussion board, on their class discussions, and workshops. I gave them points on the discussions. But I will have grades only at the end of semester. I wonder why the feedback I already provided cannot be mentally transformed by them into grade standing? And why is so important to know if they have A, B, or C, if I tell them that I am interested in how their performances improve over the semester. Perhaps if one has a B then that one should not work more for the A? My feedback is like a sandwich: what is good, what is bad, and how to improve the later one. I told them that I am looking not only for the quantity of participation, but also (and mostly) on the quality of participation. I have some good overachievers who push farther than I expect someone would do for an A. And I have the ones who feel uncomfortable that they do not know if they have a C or a B today. Perhaps it is much harder than I tought to change the schema about what teaching means. Last semester they complained I lecture too much, this semester they complain I don't lecture enough... perhaps in the middle of the road... but each semester is another group of students with other expectations, and other schema about what teaching means.

Freedom to say "No"

In order to be truly free I need to learn to say "No." Especially if I do not want to suffer of "cronic procrastination" and blame myself that I am forver behind my work :-)
In theory I know it should be that way, in theory I know what to do, in theory I know I should be free to say "No," and not feel guilty... In reality I do all the reverse. This weekend, as in other weekends also, I accepted to be "pushed" into programs that I don't really search for and now I will spend couple of evenings and late night to compensate for the time lost over the weekend. I know I am free to make choices, and once I make them I am also free to change my mind. Or once I decide then I have to take responsibility for my choice and not feel guilty, or better said make a decision that would never bring me to guilt feelings. Making a decision is not an easy act to do. I might have a bias in perception. Better said self-perception. Since I use a schema about what a "good person" should look and act like. Then using a top-down processing, and of course using this stereotype about that "good person" I box myself into behaviors that "should be done" in order to be that person.

I was thinking what really freedom means, and what price should we pay for it? When do I feel free? Mostly in the weekends on my morning walk with Taylor, when I know we have plenty of time to take the long road to walk and just watch the green grass, the birds, squirrels, and flowers. I can think of past, and future projects. I can just enjoy being!
That is freedom!

If we want to be free we need to make decisions and then take responsibility and most of all we need to not feel guilty. The feeling of guilt comes exactly from that stereotype we use to categorize ourself. Perhaps a leap of faith is needed, to not care about how other ones will see us.

In searching for these images to represent what I want to say I found a web site of a student. There are a couple of interesting images that I like. Perhaps you would like to take a look at them.

Power outage

Yesterday before I left to school we were left without electric power. I turned on the radio for Taylor, plugged on directly the lamp, and turned on a light, thinking the power will be back soon. Other times was back in 10-15 minutes.
To my surprise when I arrived home after 9PM from school, I noticed right away that our block of houses was in complete darkness - the heavy clouds and night helped also.
In the house was even darker with the blinds shut. Taylor was barking at my footsteps scared of intruders. This was her first ever complete darkness with no lights and radio on.

First I discovered my only flashlight, which is in my car, had no batteries - charged last time when I left from Tucson in mid July 2005. I searched for candles and matches, thank God for candles. Then slowly in the candle light I discovered how electric based is my house. It was dark and cold, my heating is based on electricity also. I could not warm anything up since the stove and microwave are electric also. The fridge was slowly melting, and I even could not open a can of food - the by hand can opener broke and I bought an electric one thinking it is stronger.
I played a little with Taylor then since it was too cold we made the bed and put all candles under the night lamp and read Newsweek about Freud. What an appropriate theme for the mystery of candle light reading. I remembered the old times back in Romania when the communists were trying hard to save electricity and each day between 5-7PM everything was out of power. All shops and work places had the schedule accordingly. The only ones who had power were hospitals who had special generators (that only after many complains, and only the ER and ICU units had the power). We used to have the oil laps, candles, and flash lights handy. Slowly our eyes got used to the switch from electric light to candle light. I remember I was able to read pretty well without having sore eyes. We got around it, we even did not complain after a while, it was just annoying. I remember because of that I stayed once the entire two hours in an elevator. The power went out ten minutes before the usual 5PM ( they sometimes were trying to turn off earlier and turn on later the power). Imagine being in a elevator in complete darkness, not being able to see your hand, nothing. Being complete quiet, since everyone made sure they are in the home by 5PM. Having two hours to think about my life, and be mad at communists :-)

Last night I learned that I am not prepared for any kind of emergency. Perhaps is time to go shopping :-)

The beautiful helper

I feel this semester, because of the blog assignment for the midterm, I had no questions of "why did I get ... points and not more?" I think this is because what my eyes see all other 28 students' eyes in the class can see.



As you remember I asked them as part of their midterm assignment to post the exam on blog, and also they had the 4 comments to be posted on 4 different colleagues' blogs.
This way they learn from each other, and they are also able to compare their production with other students in class.
Next, for the final exam I gave each students a different question. The same 4 different comments need to be posted. So each student will learn about 5 topics. Isn't that great?

I tested this last semester with grad students doing paper exams, and then critiquing one other paper ( I had a small class and all critiques were anonymous to control their bias, no one knew what topics each has to write on - now hope they did not talk to each other about that). So it is possible to do it on paper also, but the blog is easier and I think much faster since students started already posting, and in consequence making already comments. And since I try to keep up with all of them, I give them constant feedback after each of their postings (I use bloglines). This way those who start early have the opportunity to improve their presentation for the final. Of course I gave last semester the opportunity for the paper exam also (it's interesting they did not take advantage of my feedback as in the blog exam - I suppose they started writing late in the semester close to deadline).
I experience technology being a wonderful helper in my teaching.
And I really enjoy it! But don't ask me how much more time it takes me. Every morning and evening I check my bloglines account and give feedback to postings. I always have someone to give comments. More work for me, but I hope they learn more also.

Spring Equinox

Perhaps you expected me to show you cherries in flower, and here they are the white flowers of snow flakes on the branches....
In the weekend I saw the forsitia bush with luminescent yellow flowers. I forgot the camera when walking Taylor and yesterday I made a note to not forget to take the picture of the beautiful yellow bush. This morning when is the first day of Spring we woke up to a white fluffy and wet 10 " snow all over the place.
The yellow bush is heavy under the snow and the branches hold also white flowers of frosted snow. Taylor enjoys running in the white blanket and sniff the little squirrels footseps.
I was almost ready to clean and store my winter boots. I am glad I did not have time for that over this last weekend. Perhaps will not last long, but now we have a late winter for a while. My parents told me they had last week a foot of snow. Isn't that weird, not snow all Winter and now a big snow in the Spring. I am glad today I can stay in the home and catch up with all my paper work.

Resounding gong or a clashing cymbal

1 Corinthians
Chapter 13

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.
And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,
it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
****************

I have two very good friends, both feel like a "resounding gong or a clashing cymbal" because they do not have the most important: Love. One of them has money to buy all the things he ever dreamed, they do have lots of things (I think they have too many, but that is my opinion). Painfully he discovered that being surrounded by wealth does not give him the happiness. The other one has no love and no money, which is a bad combination indeed. One of them has a partner who is a selfish, grouchy, controlling, wealth obbsessive, dominant freak. The other one had the misfortune of marrying his brides' family also, with all their problems. Both my friends do not have love. Without love wealth is empty and poverty is painful.

We all would like to have it all. Material things to keep us comfortable and allow us to feel powerful and important. Isn't that strange how material things can make us feel powerful? I think there might be some who have them both: things and love in the same time, and lots of both. God, they must be so happy!

I am in bigger debts than ever in my life, and in the same time I have more than ever. I do consider myself rich (now that compared with my life in Romania). I am also very glad that I am free, and finally I am able to let go and let God. Perhaps that is why God blessed me richly with more than I ever asked for, more than I expected. OK, I will not say "more than I ever dreamed" since I do dream of much more than I have :-) Hey, I am human!
I also learned that belongings, money, wealth, are all only Things! Now, they can make you feel good and comfortable but they cannot make you feel loved. It's good to have things around when you have Love. I know there are people who are happy just by having lots of things around. But then there are other ones like me, people who need Love to complete the happiness of their life.
I consider myself a happy and blessed person. I worked so hard in my life (especially the last 12 years) to accomlish a dream. I also learned to enjoy life. Perhaps I learned the hard way. I am not sure this came with knowledge, or with age :-) Might be only that I became older and wiser. Or might be just another blessing from above! I promised myself that I will work hard, but I will keep watching my work to make sure I enjoy what I do. I learned that we are free. That there are choices and decisions to make. That nothing and no thing (!) is forever!
I have things, a job, a happy little JRT who keeps me laughing, but as these my two friends, myself I don't have the most important: LOVE.

Remember UB

Today I had a very special visit: Professors Ron Gentile and Kay Johnson-Gentile (his wife) from Buffalo, NY. Professor Gentile was one of my loved teachers at UB, who followed my path, advised, and supported my work.
Dr. Kay Gentile is the sweeetes friend anyone could ask for, she kept me in her prayers and encouraged me in hard times.
They stopped at my house for a little bit in their way from Tucson, AZ to Buffalo, NY. Funny that after planning for so long that they will go to Tucson, they visited Tucson right after I moved away. I am glad they loved AZ and Tucson. It was so special to talk about UB and Tucson and have these common grounds. I feel so honored to have one of my former professors visiting me!
Professor Gentile looks the same as I know him, perhaps more relaxed and laughing that now he learned how to enjoy the time off, not feeling guilty for being in retirement. It was such a special day, so special joy to see both of them again. We reminisced about old times, hopes, accomplishments, and future plans. Such a long way from UB, via UA, to here at SIU-Edwardsville. What is next? That is in God's hands!
More than anything else, meeting my Professor, remembering, just being again his grad student, and looking back at the road bringing me all the way here makes me give thank to God. My dreams are accomplished, even if not the perfect way I dreamed about, but the goals are reached. What next?
Keep going, working, fighting, dreaming, hoping... sky is the limit.
Today I am who I am and where I am thank to God and my professors. It means they did a good job at that time when I was their student. Above all, God's hand was over me, guiding, helping, protecting me.
Thank to ALL!

My EPFR315 students :-)

I do enjoy the midterm on blog.
I really hope my students enjoy it also :-)
It is much more reading for me, since along with the postings each student had to post 4 comments on other classmates' blogs.



What I found interesting is that I gave them the two options (paper vs. blog) and only 2 (two) choose to do the paper version. One of them choose almost all reference sources as "Wikipedia". Oh, Goodness..... No points for those sources... :-(

Between those who did the blog I have some very poor (should I say "free style"?), but some are really good and I am very pleased. I think the good ones would have a good paper also. Compared to the quality of written papers of last year I found that the blogs are much better quality. I asked them to post a minimum of 500words/topic (6 topics). They choose the blog because the APA style paper should have been 10-15 pages. They were afraid of the length of paper and the best blogs are way beyond the 20 pages of a APA style midterm.
Isn't that something?
:-)

The purpose was to think about the theory, make a reflection, and show that they know how to apply the theory in practice. I really hope the goal was accomplished. Also I wanted to make sure they know what a blog is since the students they teach most of them have their own myspace blogs.

Since it is now Spring break I asked in the last day of class to give me feedback if they would like to modify the style of our classes after the break. They like the way it is, but want "more food" :-)
I used to take pretzels and candies to teach about behaviorism. I was surprised to have almost half of them asking for my minilectures (they say it makes them see the big picture and understand better), last semester they complained that they do not like lectures. Perhaps I have to settle for a middle of the road lecture. No longer than 30 minutes followed or preceded by the class activities.
I think the final exam will be a blog assignment also. I already gave the graduate group their assignment. Comprehensive exam on the blog, each topic from 2-3 chapters of the text (and they can connect the topic to other chapters as well). They were kind of scared of the blog. They will do good.

What a blessing to have two good groups. Thank God!