In order to be truly free I need to learn to say "No." Especially if I do not want to suffer of "cronic procrastination" and blame myself that I am forver behind my work :-)
In theory I know it should be that way, in theory I know what to do, in theory I know I should be free to say "No," and not feel guilty... In reality I do all the reverse. This weekend, as in other weekends also, I accepted to be "pushed" into programs that I don't really search for and now I will spend couple of evenings and late night to compensate for the time lost over the weekend. I know I am free to make choices, and once I make them I am also free to change my mind. Or once I decide then I have to take responsibility for my choice and not feel guilty, or better said make a decision that would never bring me to guilt feelings. Making a decision is not an easy act to do. I might have a bias in perception. Better said self-perception. Since I use a schema about what a "good person" should look and act like. Then using a top-down processing, and of course using this stereotype about that "good person" I box myself into behaviors that "should be done" in order to be that person.
I was thinking what really freedom means, and what price should we pay for it? When do I feel free? Mostly in the weekends on my morning walk with Taylor, when I know we have plenty of time to take the long road to walk and just watch the green grass, the birds, squirrels, and flowers. I can think of past, and future projects. I can just enjoy being!
That is freedom!
If we want to be free we need to make decisions and then take responsibility and most of all we need to not feel guilty. The feeling of guilt comes exactly from that stereotype we use to categorize ourself. Perhaps a leap of faith is needed, to not care about how other ones will see us.
In searching for these images to represent what I want to say I found a web site of a student. There are a couple of interesting images that I like. Perhaps you would like to take a look at them.
