Birthday cooking

Yesterday I had over Laurie's children (another faculty in my department we both teach Educational Psychology courses), Luke 12 years of age, and Maggie 8 years. And Taylor had Oliver (their dog) as playmate.
The two dogs had a blast they played till they fall tired. Then Oliver who is three times as big as Taylor tried to squeez into Taylor's little bed, Oliver seemed to not mind that :-)


















I thought the one good way to entertain the kids woud be doing a baking project. Maggie loves chocolate cake so that was what we did.
She even came dressed as a cook :-)

When we had to wait for the cake to cool down we took a walk with the dogs till the lake and back, and had a little chat. It turned out it will be Maggie's 9th birthday on Wednesday, March 1st! So, then the cake transformed into a Birthday cake.

The two kids have different personalities. Luke is kind and reserved, and pretty skilled when it comes about cooking.
Maggie is a sweet and happy little girl, we had a good girls' chat together.
I really enjoyed both of them. Somehow I always enjoy more the kids than the adults. We played cards and then finished just in time the B-DAY cake.
They made my Sunday brighter! I just love them and hope to see them again for another project we might think about.

One hour joy

I know how to count till 1,000 and just learned the months of the year. I know how to write (draw) the sounds for: a, i, u, e, o, ka, ki, ku, ke, and ko.
One hour every week I am in first grade Japanese class :-)
It is so different from all languages I know, yet so similar to all. For example the word "lip" = kuchibiru. That is "the lip of the mouth" (kuchi=mouth). And this sounds to me so much as the word used for "lip" in Hungarian "szaj szele."
I enjoy so much this one hour/week. Unfortunately I am a lazy student since I don't have time to study as I should. But I spend 15 minutes every night before I go to bed, and look over a couple of pages from my notes and textbook, or to draw Japanese sounds. It is so new like exploring a new planet.

I might never use Japanese, even if I dream of visiting someday Japan :-)

Konichiwa!

I know the greetings around the clock and how to count till ten.
I also learned how to write in Hiragana: a, i, u, e, o.
I love it!
Domo arigato!

Our teacher Shachiko is a native Japanese. She does not know well enough English to teach us in a professional manner. She told us this is her very first time she teaches Japanese. I love her and am glad that she is not one of those professional teachers who go at light's speed with us.

Japanese is so different, especially when I learned I have a minimal basic 2,000 characters to be learned (if I ever would think of reading a magazine, book, or dream about writing a short letter). It is completely frightening. Nothing like learning French or English!
I really love it. I just wish I had more time to learn. But in 10 classes (of one hour each) I will be able to start the learning process. Then the rest... is just keeping up the work and going to the next time they offer Japanese classes.

I dream about visiting Japan in the future. OK, might be a very far future... but hope it will be in this life :-)

Sayonara, ogeNkide.

On my feet :-)

I did not grow up with computers around.
I was in college when I first saw a computer and typed my first doc.
I was always curious to know what is inside and how it works... of course since I am an engineer (even if a Civil Engr.).
At U of A I had my good friends at the computer lab, Michael and Rich. Michael was teaching me about how to use different programs, and Rich was teaching me what is inside the computer, where do wires go, how to open and change a card in the computer, how to add extra memory. Today since they are so far away I still e-mail and call them when I get in trouble and need advice. But slowly I learn and I hope I can stand on my feet, if for not else at least for learning how to ask the good questions :-)

I am learning how to download my videos from my mini DV camera. I got a firewire, then I discovered that I do not have the required plug on my computer. Bought from Radioshack the card, installed it. Downloaded my video. Remembered Michael once told me that I need to burn the video on DVD-R. Got that also from Office Max. Here I am ready to burn my first video little movie. What I discover? I think I can burn CDs with my burner but not a DVD. I don't know for sure but I really suspect that since each time I try to burn the video I get an error that I do not have a disk in the E: drive.
I really suspect I need more up-grading on my computer. The DVD part of my computer is only to play videos not to burn one :-(

Next step: do I buy a new computer or do I update it? Since now I know how to open and manage a computer, the later seems easier and cheaper :-)

Contentment

After the "storm and stress" period of last semester, through comparison (did I say once that happiness and bitterness come from comparison?) this semester I feel content.

I am still cold - especially that it's a max of 34F and snow - but I tell myself it could be even worse. I enjoy the classes I teach this semester - and hope my students enjoy it too!

I continue my project with K-2 kids, which is lot of fun. And will start Japanese and drawing classes :-) along with Taylor's obedience class, and my weekly 1h swim. I finally consider that fun and work must be in balance. Life needs to be enjoyed in order to perform your best. Amazingly I am more productive than when I felt disappointed and bitter.

Perhaps because of my contentment I can be open to others' needs also.

When I read for the first time the Bible I asked my Mom how it comes that all the most important decisions and messages were sent by God in a dream, and why God does not speak anymore to people in our dreams? My Mom told me that God still speaks but it is us, the people, who do not listen anymore. Of course I smiled in disbelief at that time.

Last week I had some very scary nightmares related to a friend I did not kept in touch for a very long time. First I told myself my dream was related to a movie I saw the night before. But night after night I continued to have scary and weird dreams involving this lost friend. Finally I have sent a short e-mail - not even knowing if the e-mail address is still valid or not. Mostly I sent that e-mail like a message in a bottle dropped in the Ocean. The response came fast: my lost friend goes through a very tough time, very distressed, needing my prayers.

So, God still speaks in dreams, we just have to be at peace with ourselves, to be in a contentment state, to move the focus from us to Life... and then we can hear God.

Fun

One of the New Year's resolutions (that I never had the courage even to list) is to have some fun in my life. I was really glad when I was told that in the Art building every Friday in the afternoon for two hours are drawing sessions. Drawing is something I did not do since 10th grade high school (I was at Fine Arts). I might go once to see how it is.
Also on the faculty listserv I noticed language classes. Along with the French conversational hour I participated last semester a couple of times, on Friday also, there is a Japanese intro course (something that I always wanted). My big surprise was that I forgot French almost completely. I was not able to tell who am I and what I do at SIUE! Cannot believe this, 10 years ago I was better in French than English. Use it or loose it! Oh, it is so true!

My choice is the Japanese course. For one hour every week I will learn how to say hello and ask a glass of water! I might never need to use it. I might loose it.... Not likely I will ever go to Japan, but it is something only for me! Perhaps is life wisdom, or I might be at the age when I think I don't have as much left ahead then is left behind...

Fun things in life are like batteries that recharge and give you more energy to be more productive. One thing I discovered in my life is that I loose the time anyhow when I am tired. I procrastinate if I have too much free time, and end up working late nights to accomplish a deadline anyhow. So, then better use some fun time in my schedule, and then I have the obligation to recuperate the time "lost" in having fun!

I'll let you know what I learn next week after my first Japanese class.

Procrastination

I must confess I am a procrastinator. It is such a bad thing, and I don't even remember when I became one. 15 years ago I was obsessively keeping my tasks ahead of schedule, but meanwhile I became a big procrastinator. I know the theory, and I know the self-help tips. As we all know there are times when knowledge and performance are at odds. Knowing what I am supposed to do, or at least what I should do, does not make me do it!

I submit papers and projects the day of the deadline, I respond e-mails at last minute, I do shopping when my fridge is almost empty, and I read books on other topics than I must read for my research project. I kind of like to work under pressure. Then what I do is to fill my calendar with projects and deadlines. Resulting only in a overload that will only perpetuate the procrastination and run into last minute deadline submissions.

Yes, I know I should plan and manage my schedule and take from the load and leave some open spaces. Perhaps writing into my calendar all the little notes I stick to my computer would be a good start. Just to not have the impression my schedule is not as loaded, when in fact the load is split in two parts: one is in my calendar the other is on little Post-it notes on my computer at home. Organizing and selecting. Classifying into emergent and important tasks. Make notes before the deadline that the deadline is approaching, like little signs on the road that a major Exit is approaching on the highway. And most of all setting time for "doing nothing." Time to relax. With all the pressure and deadlines I will take time to play with Taylor, so why should I not put that in my calendar, that is "program" also.

There are tons of books and articles and even a special web site for procrastinators where we can buy T-shirts. Ok, now back to wrok :-)

Midterm choices

Today my students were presented the two choices to complete their Midterm exam:
Midterm paper or Midterm technology.
The paper should be a 10 page essay on two given topics.
The technology is a personal blog with six postings on specified topics.
Both forms imply the same amount of work, and the same professionalism. Students are supposed to write short presentations of the topics they choose, and continue with a reflection and examples of how they would apply the theory in practice.
In the beginning I asked them that the paper format be of 15 pages, but they complained so much I reduced to 10 pages. Perhaps it is not the most fortunate way of setting up an exam by bargaining. I just tried to put myself in their position and think which format of completing this midterm I would choose? Definitely I would choose the blog. I feel it is more fun, more active, more dinamic. I can make easily links to an article I found on Google Scholar (like this: teaching with technology) . I don't feel constrained by a format (APA style), but I know it is important what and how I write. I will see by next Monday how many choose the Blog vs. Paper.

I really love my students (even though I was kind of dissapointed that they complained about a 15 page midterm exam; arguing that they never had to write such a long paper in their entire student life). They try their best, I have a couple very bright and smart, making very deep comments and thinking bejond the text. In the end this is the purpose of education, to make then THINK not only memorize information.

My colleagues assured me that they had the same trouble "customizing" their courses to the student body at SIUE. The key to success is to not take it personally when something does not wrok as I would like it. And to not forget that there are many choices, and the decision is mine. I can choose to complain forever, and to be upset that my students don't want to be the best in the country. Or I can choose to push them a little bit, as much as they don't scream or yell, and that they try harder but they don't learn helplessness because they never succeed. I can choose to be upset and mizerable, or I can choose to be happy for what I have and make the most of it.
Now, if I am wise enough it is obvious what I will choose.

We always have choices.

Perseverance

This week I found out one of the reasons why so many give up as soon as January on their New Year's Resolution for exercising...
Finally this week (since next week is already end of January!) I decided to go to swim. I went to the SIUE Y just to find out that the night before the pool pump collapsed and... A new pump will come but no sooner than February 3rd, 2006!
I was so disappointed, ready to give up for "bad luck" but then on my way to my car I remembered my Middle School Math teacher.
Our math teacher was a tough and very demanding teacher and we were very afraid of him. His motto was "Perseverance in the key to success." He taught me that when I don't get the correct result to a math problem to not give up but try harder, "A mistake is a reason to try harder." He taught me to search in my notes and book, ask for help, and try to solve the problem again. He pushed me till I really loved and was good at geometry (my favorite math topic :-)).

Remembering him I told myself that the "dead pump" means nothing but that I have to find another pool till this one is back in function. I tell myself that this is a challenge to keep my promise of 1 swim/week! And just because the SIUE pool is not in use that does not mean that I can blame bad luck and give up on my goal.

I checked the YMCA schedule when the pool is available to the public, and will go next week when I don't have school in the morning.
Perseverance is the key to success, and to keep any resolution!

The irnoy of technology

I like to use short instructional videos in my teaching. I consider useful that my students see Freud, Piaget, Erikson, Kohlberg, etc. There are pictures of the classics in books but seeing the person, walk and talk, and teach about his/her theory I think has more impact than if I teach their theory.

Last Fall when I went to the Lovejoy library here at SIUE to get a video I discovered that I cannot just get the video from the shelf and self check out (as I was used to do at U of A). I had to go in person to fill a form, at least two hours before I intended to pick up the VHS, or call in to the Media library no later than 24 working hours before pick-up. Then two hours later I had to go to another office to fill out one more form and pick up my video (I can borrow for a maximum of 7 days). It's ridiculous to waste so much time just to be able to use technology. Each time I borrowed a video I had comments to the clerk. One library assistant then told me that I can complete an internet form to not make the one extra travel to the library.

So, last Wednesday I completed on-line the media form for five videos I intend to watch over the weekend (to know what I present my students) and submit it. Friday afternoon (two days later) one hour before the Media Library closes I go to pick up my videos, just to find out that my on-line submissi0n did not work and everyone blames the software (sic!). Don't even ask me how upset I was. I did a new search and I completed personally a form and since it was less than two hours to closing time I had to go back Saturday morning to pick up my videos! Guess what did they stick to my VHS package: a printed page with one highlated line which reads: "if on-line form is completed please allow 72 working hour before pick up of the requested media."

Daaaa..... One would think the use of internet would speed up the process? Wrong! 72 working hours meens exactly ONE WEEK ahead of time one would like to pick up the videos. This is the irony of technology.
Now, of course if I don't procrastinate and plan well I can do that. My question here is why in the first place the internet modality when it is one week slower than going in person.
It seems I just have to accep that here at SIUE we are way behind of technology age :-(

Miss my Toy

My friends sung me "Grandma' got run over by a reindeer" and the mechanic told me "that deer really run you over, it seems she hit you not the reverse." Well, at least I feel good knowing I did not hit the deer but she hit me.
I returned the Entreprise little red Chevrolet and got from the body shop a gold color Pontiac Grand AM, here in the picture. The previous drivers were heavily smoking in the Cevy, I even could not use the heating since the smell was worse. I had to drive in the middle of winter with my window open to get some fresh air and not through up. I am allergic to smoke :-(
I miss so much my Toy now for more than two weeks in repair...

I was thinking that driving cars is like being in a relationship with a person.
Cars are like people, you get used to one and miss it when not around. I developed a relationship with my Toyota, I feel good driving it. It's part of my personality, I really love my Toyota. Driving Chevy, Ford, Pontiac, and Toyota I would not trade the Toy for another car.
They promised me the repairs will be done by the end of this week. That is great. Can't wait to feel myself again.

Blessed New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Boldog Uj Evet!
Bonne Année !
La Multi Ani!





This morning, the first day of the New Year 2006, going to church I was praying that God gives me a Blessed New Year. The first reading was one of my favorites: Numbers 6:24-26 "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon you , and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace."
This is the most wonderful blessing in the Bible.

At the end of mass the priest asked people to extend their hands and bless especially their spouses. A very heavy lady was next to me and smiling we looked at each other and I said "No husband :-) " and then she said "Well, I will bless you." The priest read the blessing, and after finishing the lady smiling told me "Now you will remember that you were blessed."

What other thing could I ask for the New Year?! I am blessed: to be healthy, to have my parents both in good health too, to have a home and a job, to have a little dog who keeps me smiling and happy.

I was reading my old New Year Resolutions... all have ten points, like the Top 10 things I need to look for in the coming year. Honestly I kept perhaps half. So, this year I decided to cut it half and set only five points to look for:

1. Trust God’s plans for me, and remember I am blessed!
Only through God's blessing I am who I am and where I am today!

2. Find one thing every day to be thankful for;
I have a slightly pessimistic feature. I worked so very hard to accomplish my dream. I focus so much on hard work and am "in pain" when life is so hard. Being thankful each day for something will help me see the half full of my cup, and focus on the good more than on what I miss or lack.

3. Listen to people when they talk;
I am impatient and want everything fast. I do not wait till the other person takes time to think and I jump giving my opinion. I want it all and I want it fast.

4. Don't buy things, instead save 100$/month each pay check.!
I am so broke to pay only for food; I am a pack rat that never trashes anything, I really do not need more junk! Not sure how I will save the hundred/mo. I will give it a try :-)

5. Keep eye on schedule, don't procrastinate.
This will be hard, I am working on it for many years. God help me!

Around food

Since the beginning of humanity people socialize around food. Of course a full belly gives a good feeling of plenty and happiness.
This winter break I will ruin all my diet to manage my cholesterol... too many dinners with heavy food that I am not used to eat. Everyone cooks all based on meat. I guess it is easier to cook and more filling. I know I should avoid it, and eate only the vegetable part of it. I think I avoid the explanations easier. I eate it and feel guilty.

Tonight I was invited at a colleague .
We laughed and joked and each told the story of "how did we meet." So many different stories, each special, each a Love Story!

Today I have a rental car, the parts to my Toy are not yet in. It seems they will be able to fix my car...next year.

So easy now to say: "See you next year, talk to you next year" when the Next Year is next Sunday!

the news

Since the Sunday when I was run over by the deer (the more I think and tell my story the more obvious is that deer just run me over, she crossed the road jumping on my car and running into the woods), I was home 24/24. Taylor was very happy to have me all for herself. Tonight I noticed that I watch, or better said I am aware when I watch the News! I don't usually have the patience to watch TV (just TV) but for some reason I tune in when are the News.
Perhaps after these ten days of News I realize that most of news are "bad news." Someone died somewhere, bombs, cars blown out, houses in fire, pets lost, abuse, deadly accidents, and goes on. Even the weather is gloomy and bad! More than that I started to see if they find anything new.... No way, three times/day the exact same news. Why is that? I bet there are so many bad and good news they could fill three times the time. Why then repeating it? Even different channels have the same news over and over.

I think I realized this when today the News showed a golden coind wrapped in a 100$ bill that was dropped in a Salvation Army red bucket. And someone else has dropped other golden coins for Salvation Army. For some reason that news made me aware of the type of all the rest, these ten days. It was so good to hear a good news I had tears in my eyes.

It seems the bad news attracts more interest than the good ones. We people want excitement, tough and/or shoking information, all the bad news is more obvious, catching our interest and attention. But when it comes about us, we want to have ONLY good news to share. Perhaps the bad news we get from media helps us feel better about ourselves. Happiness as unhappiness come from comparison! If I have all the bad info in this world I will be glad I am still alive and well. If I get all good news about other ones, I will feel a looser.

The Reason for the Season

A rainy and gloomy Christmas day this year, but for some reason in our house is Peace and a glitter of Joy. God must have had a reason for me to collide with the deer last Sunday.
Perhaps the same as "the Reason for the Season," to find the Love, Peace, and Joy on Jesus' s birthday!
Who said that a dog will open doors for the ones alone? Taylor has opened for us more doors than I would do it myself! Friday we had dinner with Sandy, Snicker's mom, and Christmas eve with Jo Ann, Molly's mom, and Taylor was there too! :-)
We all met in walking our dogs, our friendly neighbors. Jo Ann took me yesterday to do my grocery shopping and today I joined her to the Baptist church for Christmas service.
God is there no matter where He is worshiped!

Opened presents from our friends who spoiled me and Taylor. I love opening presents, they tell each about the sender and their love and friendship for us. This Christmas I got gifts I really need, and some funny ones too! Taylor got more toys (she really does not need, having more than any child - aren't we dog people crazy?). Tasting the ornaments, she found and played with the white Peanuts dog. Chewed on her dog-candy-cane (it's so hard to take pictures when she moves constantly). Then took a nap under her new blanket (from Scout and Sieg our friends in Tucson). It's so wet and gloomy outside she does not want to go for a walk.... obviously we miss Tucson's warmer and dry place.

This was a Peaceful and Joyful Christmas!

Christmas wish

O' Christmas tree...
This Christmas I have my first own Christmas tree. Not a real one, but a very good fake 50% off from Lowes :-) and it is my first artificial tree.

I remember Christmas across the years, across the miles, home, when in the old traditional way Dad and I were decorating the real pine tree (that my Dad usually brings from the woods), in the eve of Christmas (and then keep it till January after the feast of Baptism of the Lord). We had old and new decorations, some since I was a little child. The house was cleaned and smelled like food that was cooking on our wood burning stove. We always were remembering old times, and were making wishes.

Today I decorate my artificial Christmas tree with decorations gatherd over the years sent by my firends, and I remembered them with tears of joy in my eyes. I even did not know I have so many little angels, and teddy bears, and other little ornaments. I still have the ones I used in my little on-call room in Buffalo, ceap silk-wrapped globes (for some reason Taylor liked those the most, thinking they are little balls to play with). Ms. Barbara has sent me every Christmas little angels from AZ, they are so beautiful!

















By the time I was not a little child anymore every year when it came about "My Christmas wish" we were laughing and remembering my wishes as a child. Then my parents in a choir with big smiles reminding me the usual beginning of my child-times wish "When I will have lots of money..."

This Christmas I still have the same wish as every year since I was 6 years old:
- "WHEN I WILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY, I will have a ranch in Texas with a big red barn, and lots of horses, and a creek running through my own forest. I will have a big house with a real fire place, dogs, and cats cuddled up in large window sills. And I will have cows and chickens, and will go horseback hunting (but not kill the deers). I will go in the fields and gather herbs for tee, and drink it in cold winter days. I will cut my own wood, and live happily ever after."

I grew up with the old Cowboy movies that somehow always were taking place in Texas, and men were wearing those big Texas hats, riding white or black horses, and gathering wild horses or cattles. That was something to dream about :-)
It's interesting that after so many years my dream is still alive and is always my Christmas wish. Here I am doing a very intellectual work (teaching, doing research, hopefully publishing :-)) and my only dream is to have a ranch with a red barn and horses. Once, the time I was soul searching my career path, I read a book in what the author said that you should do the job of your dreams. Even today the job of my dreams is to be on a farm a cowgirl... and I ended up somehow completing a Ph. D. in Educational Psychology. At least if it would have been in Veterinary medicine I could take care of those horses :-)

But there is no better Christmas wish than the one I had in childhood and started with "When I will have lots of money..."

Isn't that red barn wonderful? Isn't that the perfect Christmas wish? :-)

giving back ...

We internationals have something in common, or at least this is what I think. No matter where is our home country when we are on foreign land we connect and we feel friends. Anyone who goes abroad and hears someone talking English will rejoyce and feel like the other person is an old friend.

I appreciated and felt so honored when our Professor of statistics invited us to his home at the end of semester to celebrate one more "end" of class. I don't know how my other colleagues felt but I felt so special :-)
Our Mrs. Karoleen each Thanksgiving had at her house an international Thanksgiving celebration where all of us brought traditional dishes and enjoyed the company. It was so special!

This end of semester I thought it would be a special gift to "give back" and invite my two international students from India for a dinner.
I am not too familiar with Indian food and had to learn already a lot. I knew that beef is a No-No. I know now that instead of mashed potato, better fried potato :-) but the Hungarian chiken was good. Cake is not something usual, but we have in common the rice puding.
We have also similar experiences related to communication in a foreign language, couple of common interests, and school experiences.
I find it interesting to learn about new places. I always dreamed about traveling around the world and seeing new places. But perhaps this will be another dream ...

I like the easiness of talking with other internationals, we understand each other's feelings, experiences, pains, and hopes.

Yesterday I was encouraging another friend, new teacher, who is broken hearted that her students gave her bad evaluations. I got bad evaluations also, my courses were not easy, were much harder than students expected, too much work, and some were upset that I do have an accent and only "English as a first language should teach at college level."
It did hurt me, a lot, but then I thought wherever I go I will never belong to the majority, or I will not be accepted. Then I have to live with it, or be heart broken. I choose to live with it and do my best of it.
In Romania I am considered a Hungarian and told to go to my people. In Hungary I am considered from Romania and told to go to my country. No matter in what other country in this world I go I will not be among the natives of that country. Attila is my ancestor, huns liked to travel and had their country in the hoofs of their horses.
Wherever I go my home is where I settle down and feel home.

Lucky me...

Today I talked to or got e-mail messages from friends telling me that I was lucky I have only a damaged car and it was not the end of me! Some other people got worse from a deer hit.
I know I was lucky, I did not have even my air bag blowing off. I was driving slow and that was my luck.
Perhaps God wanted me to enjoy the winter :-) or see how it is to be without a car.
Today I did thank God for protecting me!
I even do not want to imagine what would have happen if I would have been injured and in a hospital.
Taylor my little JRT alone home waiting for me to come... no one here to help me out. All my friends back in Tucson, Buffalo, or over the Ocean...
I realized how much I rely on God's help here!

Luckily I did the groceries after Church yesterday (since I was half way close to the store in that direction) so I have food for a week. If I run out then there is a gas station with a mini-market for bread and milk. The Police officer gave me a ride home with all my groceries. God bless him!

As for the unexpected car expenses ... I have no clue from what I can cut anymore.
Beginnings are always difficult, like any birth which is painful.
I just wish this birth process that started 1994 would end now! It is more than 11 years.
But if I see the bright side of it, then I am glad I am not immortal. Thank God I will not live forever! Can you imagine struggling for an eternity?! God will guide me out from this pit. He always helped me in hard times, each time I got closer to Him.
Might be all happened because I forgot the "Reason for the Season" and got too caught up in buying and sending presents when I am so short in money. God now shacked me up, woke me to reality! I am sure next year I will pass all gift making.

I am lucky! I am in good health, have a home to stay in, have food to eat.
In the end this Christmas is the best, is the closest to how Jesus came into this world: in cold winter time, no car, no bus, little food, bringing the JOY to the world.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

The unexpected

Today coming home a deer hit me (into my car).
I was going 35Ml/h and from the woods she run across the road right in front of my car. When I saw her I pushed the brakes, but it was too late... For a moment I looked into her eyes and saw her jump over my car.
I ended up on the shoulder with the front and driver's side windshields crashed, the driver's mirror broken completely.
Two guys in a pick-up truck coming from the opposite side stopped right away, they saw the deer crashing into me. Fortunately she run into the woods, no blood or skin signs on my car. They said the deer must have stepped right across the mirror and front windshield in her jump over the car. They said I am very lucky I did not got hurt.
Lucky?

I am desperate.
My car was towed and who knows when it will be repaired. I bet I won't have a car for Christmas... This was missing, my home in the middle of the nowhere, no bus, no friends to give me a ride. I know there is Entreprise, I will avoid as long as possible, cancelling all meetings.

Geico covers repairs but after a 500$ deductible. I was hoping to manage in equilibrium my too many loans, keeping my house daytime 58F and night time 50F. Doing groceries every other week, eating less, and loosing weight. Trying to save to pay loans and bills.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
Those guys might have been right. I am glad I am not hurt or sick, which would make it even worse. Thank God I have only a car towed and not myself in hospital also.

I do not know why this happened. I hope the deer is not hurt badly, the guys run into the woods to see if she is not hurt there, they did not see her. I hope she will be OK. I have no clue how I will pay the car repairs. Loans over loans, debts on top of other debts.
How and when I will get out of this pit?

I am so sorry for the deer. We people took their habitat. We are not supposed to drive into their forests, even if the road goes by there!

She looked so scared, perhaps she saw in my eyes the same terror when from her point of view I jumped with my car in front of her!

Graduation ceremony @ SIUE

I cannot believe it is one year since my graduation at U of A.
It is for the first time I dressed the regalia as a teacher, not as a student.
I am for the first time aware that I am a Ph. D.

I enjoyed in a different way the graduation ceremony at SIUE.
Remembering the days of my graduation...
My graduation, my friends present there, the lunch to my favorite restaurant Sweet Tomato :-) and then dinner at Black Angus.
My dear Sha giving me the official name log with the PhD. which stands today on my office desk. Sha, my foster mom, took place of my real Mom who could not come to my graduation.
Ingrid knowing I won't bother to cook presented me with a Crock Pot. I use it now :-) I love it.
I was so blessed to have Sha, Betty, Carol, and Ingrid there to celebrate one more accomplishment in my life.

Today I look at the line of students and teachers in their regalia here at SIUE, I remember last December, and smile... Professor Sabers hooding me whispered: "Have a big happy smile."
I really hope I will be able to keep for many more years that smile in my heart!