Since the beginning of humanity people socialize around food. Of course a full belly gives a good feeling of plenty and happiness.
This winter break I will ruin all my diet to manage my cholesterol... too many dinners with heavy food that I am not used to eat. Everyone cooks all based on meat. I guess it is easier to cook and more filling. I know I should avoid it, and eate only the vegetable part of it. I think I avoid the explanations easier. I eate it and feel guilty.
Tonight I was invited at a colleague .
We laughed and joked and each told the story of "how did we meet." So many different stories, each special, each a Love Story!
Today I have a rental car, the parts to my Toy are not yet in. It seems they will be able to fix my car...next year.
So easy now to say: "See you next year, talk to you next year" when the Next Year is next Sunday!
the news
Since the Sunday when I was run over by the deer (the more I think and tell my story the more obvious is that deer just run me over, she crossed the road jumping on my car and running into the woods), I was home 24/24. Taylor was very happy to have me all for herself. Tonight I noticed that I watch, or better said I am aware when I watch the News! I don't usually have the patience to watch TV (just TV) but for some reason I tune in when are the News.
Perhaps after these ten days of News I realize that most of news are "bad news." Someone died somewhere, bombs, cars blown out, houses in fire, pets lost, abuse, deadly accidents, and goes on. Even the weather is gloomy and bad! More than that I started to see if they find anything new.... No way, three times/day the exact same news. Why is that? I bet there are so many bad and good news they could fill three times the time. Why then repeating it? Even different channels have the same news over and over.
I think I realized this when today the News showed a golden coind wrapped in a 100$ bill that was dropped in a Salvation Army red bucket. And someone else has dropped other golden coins for Salvation Army. For some reason that news made me aware of the type of all the rest, these ten days. It was so good to hear a good news I had tears in my eyes.
It seems the bad news attracts more interest than the good ones. We people want excitement, tough and/or shoking information, all the bad news is more obvious, catching our interest and attention. But when it comes about us, we want to have ONLY good news to share. Perhaps the bad news we get from media helps us feel better about ourselves. Happiness as unhappiness come from comparison! If I have all the bad info in this world I will be glad I am still alive and well. If I get all good news about other ones, I will feel a looser.
The Reason for the Season
A rainy and gloomy Christmas day this year, but for some reason in our house is Peace and a glitter of Joy. God must have had a reason for me to collide with the deer last Sunday.
Perhaps the same as "the Reason for the Season," to find the Love, Peace, and Joy on Jesus' s birthday!
Who said that a dog will open doors for the ones alone? Taylor has opened for us more doors than I would do it myself! Friday we had dinner with Sandy, Snicker's mom, and Christmas eve with Jo Ann, Molly's mom, and Taylor was there too! :-)
We all met in walking our dogs, our friendly neighbors. Jo Ann took me yesterday to do my grocery shopping and today I joined her to the Baptist church for Christmas service.
God is there no matter where He is worshiped!
Opened presents from our friends who spoiled me and Taylor. I love opening presents, they tell each about the sender and their love and friendship for us. This Christmas I got gifts I really need, and some funny ones too! Taylor got more toys (she really does not need, having more than any child - aren't we dog people crazy?). Tasting the ornaments, she found and played with the white Peanuts dog. Chewed on her dog-candy-cane (it's so hard to take pictures when she moves constantly). Then took a nap under her new blanket (from Scout and Sieg our friends in Tucson). It's so wet and gloomy outside she does not want to go for a walk.... obviously we miss Tucson's warmer and dry place.
This was a Peaceful and Joyful Christmas!
Christmas wish
O' Christmas tree...
This Christmas I have my first own Christmas tree. Not a real one, but a very good fake 50% off from Lowes :-) and it is my first artificial tree.
I remember Christmas across the years, across the miles, home, when in the old traditional way Dad and I were decorating the real pine tree (that my Dad usually brings from the woods), in the eve of Christmas (and then keep it till January after the feast of Baptism of the Lord). We had old and new decorations, some since I was a little child. The house was cleaned and smelled like food that was cooking on our wood burning stove. We always were remembering old times, and were making wishes.
Today I decorate my artificial Christmas tree with decorations gatherd over the years sent by my firends, and I remembered them with tears of joy in my eyes. I even did not know I have so many little angels, and teddy bears, and other little ornaments. I still have the ones I used in my little on-call room in Buffalo, ceap silk-wrapped globes (for some reason Taylor liked those the most, thinking they are little balls to play with). Ms. Barbara has sent me every Christmas little angels from AZ, they are so beautiful!
By the time I was not a little child anymore every year when it came about "My Christmas wish" we were laughing and remembering my wishes as a child. Then my parents in a choir with big smiles reminding me the usual beginning of my child-times wish "When I will have lots of money..."
This Christmas I still have the same wish as every year since I was 6 years old:
- "WHEN I WILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY, I will have a ranch in Texas with a big red barn, and lots of horses, and a creek running through my own forest. I will have a big house with a real fire place, dogs, and cats cuddled up in large window sills. And I will have cows and chickens, and will go horseback hunting (but not kill the deers). I will go in the fields and gather herbs for tee, and drink it in cold winter days. I will cut my own wood, and live happily ever after."
I grew up with the old Cowboy movies that somehow always were taking place in Texas, and men were wearing those big Texas hats, riding white or black horses, and gathering wild horses or cattles. That was something to dream about :-)
It's interesting that after so many years my dream is still alive and is always my Christmas wish. Here I am doing a very intellectual work (teaching, doing research, hopefully publishing :-)) and my only dream is to have a ranch with a red barn and horses. Once, the time I was soul searching my career path, I read a book in what the author said that you should do the job of your dreams. Even today the job of my dreams is to be on a farm a cowgirl... and I ended up somehow completing a Ph. D. in Educational Psychology. At least if it would have been in Veterinary medicine I could take care of those horses :-)
But there is no better Christmas wish than the one I had in childhood and started with "When I will have lots of money..."
Isn't that red barn wonderful? Isn't that the perfect Christmas wish? :-)
giving back ...
We internationals have something in common, or at least this is what I think. No matter where is our home country when we are on foreign land we connect and we feel friends. Anyone who goes abroad and hears someone talking English will rejoyce and feel like the other person is an old friend.
I appreciated and felt so honored when our Professor of statistics invited us to his home at the end of semester to celebrate one more "end" of class. I don't know how my other colleagues felt but I felt so special :-)
Our Mrs. Karoleen each Thanksgiving had at her house an international Thanksgiving celebration where all of us brought traditional dishes and enjoyed the company. It was so special!
This end of semester I thought it would be a special gift to "give back" and invite my two international students from India for a dinner.
I am not too familiar with Indian food and had to learn already a lot. I knew that beef is a No-No. I know now that instead of mashed potato, better fried potato :-) but the Hungarian chiken was good. Cake is not something usual, but we have in common the rice puding.
We have also similar experiences related to communication in a foreign language, couple of common interests, and school experiences.
I find it interesting to learn about new places. I always dreamed about traveling around the world and seeing new places. But perhaps this will be another dream ...
I like the easiness of talking with other internationals, we understand each other's feelings, experiences, pains, and hopes.
Yesterday I was encouraging another friend, new teacher, who is broken hearted that her students gave her bad evaluations. I got bad evaluations also, my courses were not easy, were much harder than students expected, too much work, and some were upset that I do have an accent and only "English as a first language should teach at college level."
It did hurt me, a lot, but then I thought wherever I go I will never belong to the majority, or I will not be accepted. Then I have to live with it, or be heart broken. I choose to live with it and do my best of it.
In Romania I am considered a Hungarian and told to go to my people. In Hungary I am considered from Romania and told to go to my country. No matter in what other country in this world I go I will not be among the natives of that country. Attila is my ancestor, huns liked to travel and had their country in the hoofs of their horses.
Wherever I go my home is where I settle down and feel home.
I appreciated and felt so honored when our Professor of statistics invited us to his home at the end of semester to celebrate one more "end" of class. I don't know how my other colleagues felt but I felt so special :-)
Our Mrs. Karoleen each Thanksgiving had at her house an international Thanksgiving celebration where all of us brought traditional dishes and enjoyed the company. It was so special!
This end of semester I thought it would be a special gift to "give back" and invite my two international students from India for a dinner.
I am not too familiar with Indian food and had to learn already a lot. I knew that beef is a No-No. I know now that instead of mashed potato, better fried potato :-) but the Hungarian chiken was good. Cake is not something usual, but we have in common the rice puding.
We have also similar experiences related to communication in a foreign language, couple of common interests, and school experiences.
I find it interesting to learn about new places. I always dreamed about traveling around the world and seeing new places. But perhaps this will be another dream ...
I like the easiness of talking with other internationals, we understand each other's feelings, experiences, pains, and hopes.
Yesterday I was encouraging another friend, new teacher, who is broken hearted that her students gave her bad evaluations. I got bad evaluations also, my courses were not easy, were much harder than students expected, too much work, and some were upset that I do have an accent and only "English as a first language should teach at college level."
It did hurt me, a lot, but then I thought wherever I go I will never belong to the majority, or I will not be accepted. Then I have to live with it, or be heart broken. I choose to live with it and do my best of it.
In Romania I am considered a Hungarian and told to go to my people. In Hungary I am considered from Romania and told to go to my country. No matter in what other country in this world I go I will not be among the natives of that country. Attila is my ancestor, huns liked to travel and had their country in the hoofs of their horses.
Wherever I go my home is where I settle down and feel home.
Lucky me...
Today I talked to or got e-mail messages from friends telling me that I was lucky I have only a damaged car and it was not the end of me! Some other people got worse from a deer hit.
I know I was lucky, I did not have even my air bag blowing off. I was driving slow and that was my luck.
Perhaps God wanted me to enjoy the winter :-) or see how it is to be without a car.
Today I did thank God for protecting me!
I even do not want to imagine what would have happen if I would have been injured and in a hospital.
Taylor my little JRT alone home waiting for me to come... no one here to help me out. All my friends back in Tucson, Buffalo, or over the Ocean...
I realized how much I rely on God's help here!
Luckily I did the groceries after Church yesterday (since I was half way close to the store in that direction) so I have food for a week. If I run out then there is a gas station with a mini-market for bread and milk. The Police officer gave me a ride home with all my groceries. God bless him!
As for the unexpected car expenses ... I have no clue from what I can cut anymore.
Beginnings are always difficult, like any birth which is painful.
I just wish this birth process that started 1994 would end now! It is more than 11 years.
But if I see the bright side of it, then I am glad I am not immortal. Thank God I will not live forever! Can you imagine struggling for an eternity?! God will guide me out from this pit. He always helped me in hard times, each time I got closer to Him.
Might be all happened because I forgot the "Reason for the Season" and got too caught up in buying and sending presents when I am so short in money. God now shacked me up, woke me to reality! I am sure next year I will pass all gift making.
I am lucky! I am in good health, have a home to stay in, have food to eat.
In the end this Christmas is the best, is the closest to how Jesus came into this world: in cold winter time, no car, no bus, little food, bringing the JOY to the world.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
The unexpected
Today coming home a deer hit me (into my car).
I was going 35Ml/h and from the woods she run across the road right in front of my car. When I saw her I pushed the brakes, but it was too late... For a moment I looked into her eyes and saw her jump over my car.
I ended up on the shoulder with the front and driver's side windshields crashed, the driver's mirror broken completely.
Two guys in a pick-up truck coming from the opposite side stopped right away, they saw the deer crashing into me. Fortunately she run into the woods, no blood or skin signs on my car. They said the deer must have stepped right across the mirror and front windshield in her jump over the car. They said I am very lucky I did not got hurt.
Lucky?
I am desperate.
My car was towed and who knows when it will be repaired. I bet I won't have a car for Christmas... This was missing, my home in the middle of the nowhere, no bus, no friends to give me a ride. I know there is Entreprise, I will avoid as long as possible, cancelling all meetings.
Geico covers repairs but after a 500$ deductible. I was hoping to manage in equilibrium my too many loans, keeping my house daytime 58F and night time 50F. Doing groceries every other week, eating less, and loosing weight. Trying to save to pay loans and bills.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
Those guys might have been right. I am glad I am not hurt or sick, which would make it even worse. Thank God I have only a car towed and not myself in hospital also.
I do not know why this happened. I hope the deer is not hurt badly, the guys run into the woods to see if she is not hurt there, they did not see her. I hope she will be OK. I have no clue how I will pay the car repairs. Loans over loans, debts on top of other debts.
How and when I will get out of this pit?
I am so sorry for the deer. We people took their habitat. We are not supposed to drive into their forests, even if the road goes by there!
She looked so scared, perhaps she saw in my eyes the same terror when from her point of view I jumped with my car in front of her!
I was going 35Ml/h and from the woods she run across the road right in front of my car. When I saw her I pushed the brakes, but it was too late... For a moment I looked into her eyes and saw her jump over my car.
I ended up on the shoulder with the front and driver's side windshields crashed, the driver's mirror broken completely.
Two guys in a pick-up truck coming from the opposite side stopped right away, they saw the deer crashing into me. Fortunately she run into the woods, no blood or skin signs on my car. They said the deer must have stepped right across the mirror and front windshield in her jump over the car. They said I am very lucky I did not got hurt.
Lucky?
I am desperate.
My car was towed and who knows when it will be repaired. I bet I won't have a car for Christmas... This was missing, my home in the middle of the nowhere, no bus, no friends to give me a ride. I know there is Entreprise, I will avoid as long as possible, cancelling all meetings.
Geico covers repairs but after a 500$ deductible. I was hoping to manage in equilibrium my too many loans, keeping my house daytime 58F and night time 50F. Doing groceries every other week, eating less, and loosing weight. Trying to save to pay loans and bills.
This is the worst Christmas ever.
Those guys might have been right. I am glad I am not hurt or sick, which would make it even worse. Thank God I have only a car towed and not myself in hospital also.
I do not know why this happened. I hope the deer is not hurt badly, the guys run into the woods to see if she is not hurt there, they did not see her. I hope she will be OK. I have no clue how I will pay the car repairs. Loans over loans, debts on top of other debts.
How and when I will get out of this pit?
I am so sorry for the deer. We people took their habitat. We are not supposed to drive into their forests, even if the road goes by there!
She looked so scared, perhaps she saw in my eyes the same terror when from her point of view I jumped with my car in front of her!
Graduation ceremony @ SIUE
I cannot believe it is one year since my graduation at U of A.
It is for the first time I dressed the regalia as a teacher, not as a student.
I am for the first time aware that I am a Ph. D.
I enjoyed in a different way the graduation ceremony at SIUE.
Remembering the days of my graduation...
My graduation, my friends present there, the lunch to my favorite restaurant Sweet Tomato :-) and then dinner at Black Angus.
My dear Sha giving me the official name log with the PhD. which stands today on my office desk. Sha, my foster mom, took place of my real Mom who could not come to my graduation.
Ingrid knowing I won't bother to cook presented me with a Crock Pot. I use it now :-) I love it.
I was so blessed to have Sha, Betty, Carol, and Ingrid there to celebrate one more accomplishment in my life.
Today I look at the line of students and teachers in their regalia here at SIUE, I remember last December, and smile... Professor Sabers hooding me whispered: "Have a big happy smile."
I really hope I will be able to keep for many more years that smile in my heart!
It is for the first time I dressed the regalia as a teacher, not as a student.
I am for the first time aware that I am a Ph. D.
I enjoyed in a different way the graduation ceremony at SIUE.
Remembering the days of my graduation...
My graduation, my friends present there, the lunch to my favorite restaurant Sweet Tomato :-) and then dinner at Black Angus.
My dear Sha giving me the official name log with the PhD. which stands today on my office desk. Sha, my foster mom, took place of my real Mom who could not come to my graduation.
Ingrid knowing I won't bother to cook presented me with a Crock Pot. I use it now :-) I love it.
I was so blessed to have Sha, Betty, Carol, and Ingrid there to celebrate one more accomplishment in my life.
Today I look at the line of students and teachers in their regalia here at SIUE, I remember last December, and smile... Professor Sabers hooding me whispered: "Have a big happy smile."
I really hope I will be able to keep for many more years that smile in my heart!
in the spot :-) Dingo
In the clear mornings Taylor likes to stay in the Sun. Unfortunately now in the winter the Sun does not shine too long in our living room. I moved her bed in front of the fire place (a fake one with gas) where the Sun shines in the morning and it is warm (from the Sun, we don't turn on the fire, gas is too expensive - the fire place is built that 2/3 of heat goes out and only 1/3 comes in the house - waste of money). The Sun moves pretty fast and Taylor moves like a Sunflower following the warm spot.
This winter break we will take care of Dingo (he is a Beta fish, his Dad is Michael, one of the new faculty in my dept.). Taylor was very excited to see Dingo, so excited that I had to put his little bowl up on top of the book shelf. Taylor of course tried out all means to climb up there. Not succeeding she curled up on the chair, and snuggled under her blanket. From time to time looking up to make sure Dingo is still there. If Dingo moves, Taylor gets excited again :-)
Then she forgets about him... She has three weeks to get used to him.
This winter break we will take care of Dingo (he is a Beta fish, his Dad is Michael, one of the new faculty in my dept.). Taylor was very excited to see Dingo, so excited that I had to put his little bowl up on top of the book shelf. Taylor of course tried out all means to climb up there. Not succeeding she curled up on the chair, and snuggled under her blanket. From time to time looking up to make sure Dingo is still there. If Dingo moves, Taylor gets excited again :-)
Then she forgets about him... She has three weeks to get used to him.
Extreme makeover - Winter 05
We had the first big snow. The weather guy last night predicted big snow falls and gave a snow warning for 7AM this morning. In the morning at 8AM Taylor and I took our morning walk and we met Samson and his Dad, and were jokeing that "it was supposed to snow" but only very tinny fluries were flying by.
We got home and in another hour it started snowing...
10AM I had to leave to school and it was hard to see, it was snowing and it was windy. I did not drive even half a mile and I ended up on the shoulder. I was able to drive myself up back on the road and continued carefully driving.
After 4 more miles at 30ML/h, I ended up again on the steeper shoulder, this time even driving back and forth I was not able to go back on the road. I was waiving to drivers in the hope someone will stop. I guess everyone was really late and not having time to stop or being afraid of. Finally a guy with a pickup truck stopped. He tried to maneuver the car out, but not with success, the shoulder was too slippery. Another guy stopped to help us. Driving and pushing we managed between the three of us to get the car back on the road and going.
I had my first baptism in the IL snow.
I got to school late, but was not the only one :-)
By the time I got home in the afternoon 3PM we had 10 inches of snow on the streets.
This is the first winter with real snow for Taylor, and first for me since winter 2000!
Everything is covered with white fluffy snow.
It's like another town... like extreme makeover. Before and.... after....
Oh, how I miss Tucson! I am frozen outside, in the house is just a little better ...
Friends tell me "beginnings are difficult, it will be better in other three years when you will have less debts"...
I started my new calling in 1994... and now I have to hope for better in other three hard years...
I'll be old by then. But the choice has been taken, now I have to live it.
Time cannot be turned back, even if outside now is like in the land of dreams (ginger bread houses still missing :-0) there is no way we can turn back time.
I wish I could be back now on April 2005, before I made the choice, but January 2006 is around the snowy corner.
April 2005 was the "before"... now I live the "after."
This was a month ago, the "Before" ....
And today here is the "After".....
...trees are like roots. Big, old, and strong deeply rooted in the sky.
Only the wind and snow flakes swing by....
....does anybody care for a skinny dipping? :-)
We got home and in another hour it started snowing...
10AM I had to leave to school and it was hard to see, it was snowing and it was windy. I did not drive even half a mile and I ended up on the shoulder. I was able to drive myself up back on the road and continued carefully driving.
After 4 more miles at 30ML/h, I ended up again on the steeper shoulder, this time even driving back and forth I was not able to go back on the road. I was waiving to drivers in the hope someone will stop. I guess everyone was really late and not having time to stop or being afraid of. Finally a guy with a pickup truck stopped. He tried to maneuver the car out, but not with success, the shoulder was too slippery. Another guy stopped to help us. Driving and pushing we managed between the three of us to get the car back on the road and going.
I had my first baptism in the IL snow.
I got to school late, but was not the only one :-)
By the time I got home in the afternoon 3PM we had 10 inches of snow on the streets.
This is the first winter with real snow for Taylor, and first for me since winter 2000!
Everything is covered with white fluffy snow.
It's like another town... like extreme makeover. Before and.... after....
Oh, how I miss Tucson! I am frozen outside, in the house is just a little better ...
Friends tell me "beginnings are difficult, it will be better in other three years when you will have less debts"...
I started my new calling in 1994... and now I have to hope for better in other three hard years...
I'll be old by then. But the choice has been taken, now I have to live it.
Time cannot be turned back, even if outside now is like in the land of dreams (ginger bread houses still missing :-0) there is no way we can turn back time.
I wish I could be back now on April 2005, before I made the choice, but January 2006 is around the snowy corner.
April 2005 was the "before"... now I live the "after."
This was a month ago, the "Before" ....
And today here is the "After".....
...trees are like roots. Big, old, and strong deeply rooted in the sky.
Only the wind and snow flakes swing by....
....does anybody care for a skinny dipping? :-)
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