Again I uploaded a picture created by this young man who calls his blog "Lost Puppy's Liar."
This picture represents what I feel now... advancing towards the dangerous and overwhelming Ocean... having too much on my plate, trying to keep in balance my work and my personal life. Slowly the work takes over and comes dangerously close, like the water invading the hall. I try to keep a good track in my calendar of what I must do next, but sometimes I feel PMS (Poor Management Syndrome - this is from a cute little card I found in the bookstore). There are moments when I feel sweating just because I remember something I completely forgot. I remember that I did not look in my calendar to see the next task. Perhaps I should program my cell phone to call myself to remind me to look in my calendar :-) Isn't this crazy? And where is my personal life? Oh, there is not listed in my calendar! Nights are shorter and shorter, as my walks with Taylor. Only the Saturday mornings get a little longer, and I wonder if Taylor knows when is Saturday? She might since only Saturdays we go to the long roads that she loves.
Then I feel frustration since I try to be flexible and in the same time to accommodate my students. Of course I am aware that when I am loved by half of the class, then the other half will hate me. Perhaps is an utopic desire to have a perfect course? This semester it seems I have a hit with my undergraduates. I feel we talk the same language :-) They are active and I feel all of us enjoy our meetings on Monday and Wednesday. I use similar methods for graduates, and my feeling is that I have some who love me dearly and some who can't stand the class. Students come with the schema that the teacher is there to "teach" and teaching means delivering information, lecturing, telling the students what, how, and when. I try to be flexible, not giving too many directions, guidelines, but giving suggestions about what I would expect as a good performance. I do not evaluate for product as much as I evaluate the process. Some of my students complained that they need me to teach, have me tell them their grades up till now. I gave this class tons of feedback (verbal and written feedback), on their discussion board, on their class discussions, and workshops. I gave them points on the discussions. But I will have grades only at the end of semester. I wonder why the feedback I already provided cannot be mentally transformed by them into grade standing? And why is so important to know if they have A, B, or C, if I tell them that I am interested in how their performances improve over the semester. Perhaps if one has a B then that one should not work more for the A? My feedback is like a sandwich: what is good, what is bad, and how to improve the later one. I told them that I am looking not only for the quantity of participation, but also (and mostly) on the quality of participation. I have some good overachievers who push farther than I expect someone would do for an A. And I have the ones who feel uncomfortable that they do not know if they have a C or a B today. Perhaps it is much harder than I tought to change the schema about what teaching means. Last semester they complained I lecture too much, this semester they complain I don't lecture enough... perhaps in the middle of the road... but each semester is another group of students with other expectations, and other schema about what teaching means.
