No more procrastination

One more week till Fall semester starts on August 21st, 2006.
I will teach three evening courses: Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday (this is off campus- in Belleville, IL).
I did not have vacation this summer. Teaching all summer long was not a good idea at all. Not worth it....



I am behind projects: academic, research, and personal.
I posted for myself timelines, deadlines, tasks, projects, and all schedules. I still hope I am realistic. And if I can manage them all and keep my sanity that means I am cured of procrastination. There is not time in my calendar for procrastination. I will have a VERY heavy loaded schedule this Fall semester. I just want to survive it till December, till Christmas break. I might crash at that point but hey, who cares if I ace all my targets! :-)

Now it comes the time when I apply all that I learned in my Psychology courses and from many books I read on procrastination, time management, goal setting, coping with stress, and positive thinking.

God help me!

the fear behind the story...

I am revising an article and usually I like to have background noise, so I just clicked on the TV remote till something not too noisy came on "Pretty woman" with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.

Mostly listening fragments of the movie I remembered this picture on that web page I presented earlier this year Lost puppy liar. It is a guy in Canada designing these interesting pictures. Now, I don't like as much the picture as the message, and I think the guy intended to send a message, as the movie's message behind the scenes, in the real world.

Why do I remember this particular picture listening in the background to the movie? I think when I first saw "Pretty woman" I was looking too intense to the actors and what they are doing, what is happening, and I was mesmerized by the Happy End - I did not think about the real story behind... Today I try hard to fix this article, going over and over again and changing, fixing, and remodeling words; I feel frustration, pain, and fear that I will miss something essential. So, this time around I somehow could hear (from the fragments I paid attention to) what is the message behind the actors' words. She is a prostitute, even if we are mesmerized by Julia Robers, she does play a prostitute... and we all know the reality is far from being such a happy ending as is in this movie.

I think it is much pain, frustration, and fear (yes, fear - this is why I remembered this picture).
Those girls are sex objects, they are not loved, not one of the men cares about how those girls feel, what they like, what they dream about. They are looked at like objects whith what one can play with and then trash, they are only the puppets... I believe in reality those girls carry lots of fear.

Too hot! Gone fishing :-)

Agility trial

We went to cheer for Trevor at the Agility summer trial at Gateway Agility Club.
It was a big AKC event.
Trevor did very good, he won a couple of ribons and won a gift for Taylor, a toy :-)
The main reason I went it was to learn from watching. Taylor will go back to school August 2nd, for refresher obedience three weeks, then starting agility :-)

I was watching the four arenas of competition and the skills of so many dogs of different breeds and their handlers. It is amazing how the dogs can learn to read the handler's body language, and learn also what they are supposed to do: jump over little fences, through tire, go in the tunnel and shute, walk a titer, and dog walk, and do the weave poles (that is the most difficult). All that with enthusiasm and happiness. They don't realize when they miss an obstacle or do a wrong one, but for sure they do realize the changes in voice, body language, and tensions in the handler. I admired especially the ones who missed the obstacle from the first two jumps (in some categories of competition that meant the team was completely out of the game!), but they continued till the end - and sometimes with no other fault!- to show that the team is good, that the dog knows the course.
Of, course I admired the national competition teams who did excellent performance in excellent time. What a wonderful performance!

But also I watched the ones like us, on the benches, cheering, praying, keeping our breath till our favorite team - dog and handler - finish their course. We were chatting and crticizing when we just were watching, when the team was not of our interest, but we were glued to the arena when our team was performing. We were hands up when the team finished and did no mistakes, or sorry that they missed the opportunity in case of a mistake... wish it would be perfect!

I think that is how God watches our actions in this life. Cheering for us, praying, keeping his breath to see if we do well, or being sorry for us when we screw it up.

Congratulations Trevor!
Trevor proudly smiling :-)

Taylor's mint treats

I decided to make Taylor some treats. I choose to do so because I have no clue what they put in the doggie biscuits even if they look good. Once I found in a bag of so called "natural doggie treats" in more than half of the biscuits some kind of animal hair. I suspect they chopped entire rabits in the treats.
I made her real natural ones with whole weat flour, oats, butter, eggs, cheese, bacon bits, sunflower seeds, and mint. They taste very good. Any person could eat them, all is natural, clean, and nutritious.
She has a half jar of mint cookies and she loves them!











After eating some she takes a nap in front of the TV with the remote between her paws:-)

Tornado in Midwest

We survived a tornado coming from the unusual path (from East to Southwest - usually tornadoes come from West to East).
Wednesday, as ususal, I teach the summer course 5-9:30PM. By 7:00PM the fire alarm started to blast in our ears. I thought first that it is just a drill since at 5Pm when we got in our class, in the basement of Founders Hall, it was 100F outside and rain was predicted only to Friday night a 10% chance of possible rain...

It seems the tornado did not watch the same TV channel...
We were in the right place, in the basement, so we even could not go out to see what is going on. I could look on the door and it was very dark, very windy, and loud.

The alarm stopped by 8:30PM and classes continued ... my students convinced me to continue next class.

By the time I got home to see what is going on I was really concerned that I might not have a house. We lost power, luckily I had flash lights. In my back yard I had only a couple of big branches from the cottonwood tree I have in the backyard. The swing, chair, Taylor's toys, all crumbled in the fence along with branches. A big pile of mess that I cleaned pretty easily.

Thursday was really hot and humid. Daytime up to 101F. In the evening when I came out of classes, and exit the building my glasses got foggy, like in the winter when one enters the house, or when entering a bathroom. It was haze, so humid I could see the steam. We did not have power till this morning at 6AM. We tried out the basement of our house as bedroom. In the house last evening 10PM were 84F. So, I made a bed for us downstairs. Taylor did not want first to stay there, she run out and run in the bed, but realized it is very hot, and dark, and I do not go up. Finally she just cuddled in my arms and we slept till 5:30AM this morning.

When I looked outside I thought it is fog... it was haze. Very humid, very warm.
Another strom passed by around 11AM, but not dangerous, just a little wind and two drops of rain. One more rain very short around 7PM. Now is calm. It is supposed to cool down over the weekend.

My neighbor's property was covered with branches from the trees. His trees were badly damaged. In the neighborhood yesterday and today people were cleaning up after the tornado. Many trees were damaged, broken like tooth picks.

The news presents 472,000 people without power. We are lucky to have a basement to our house. Now we have electricity. Midwest besides being so hot and humid in summer, it is also pretty scary.
We are safe and sound, and do not have damage. Thank God!

Dog friendly

Many would say that people who have dogs are friendlier than the rest. But then those who have cats are friendly with cat people, and those who have birds, and the "fish tankers" also are friendly with other fish owners. So, I would be biased against all kind of pet owners if I would say that different categories or only certain type of pet owners are friendly. Farmers when they meet farmers are friendly too, and teachers when meeting other teachers are friendly also.

Yes, you got it, it is all about commonalities. What are the common things we can connect from the first moment that gives us the feeling of being "friends".

I am happy to hear someone is from Europe, and very excited to hear Hungarian, Romanian, or French speaking people :-) they are "my kind" because I understand them and have something in common before knowing anything else about them. Did you ever travel abroad? Did you ever get excited when let's say you were in Rome, or Paris and you heard someone speaking English, American English...? How happy were you? Didn't you feel that that person, you never met before, is your best friend! :-)

Taylor opened for me doors to many people's hearts. Here my best friends are dog people.

Here Taylor with her boyfriend :-) Trevor. They were in obedience and agility classes together. She loves Trevor, even if she does not meet him too often these days, Trevor is already in advanced competition class, Taylor still repeating the beginning agility. It's not the dog, is the handler - we do not have the obstacles yet, so we practice with Trevor's agility course (and Terri) from time to time. Trevor will compete in two weeks in agility. We will go to cheer for him!

I dream of a time when we can take our dogs everywhere! Till then we dog people connect from the first words. We recognize each other by our dogs' names. As my mail man... We met in front of Petsmart, but he did not recognize me, but he did recognize Taylor - who barks ferociously when he "takes something out of our mail box!" Then we laughed that he did not see me but only Taylor! And kids on my street know my name "Taylor's mom" - they forget my real name but they don't forget Taylor's name.

We, dog friendly people :-)

P.S.
The weather is not dog friendly at all.
Daytime 99F heat, 83% humidity, and 112F heat index; night goes down to 78F.
Wednesday prognosis 100F and Thursday 101F!

First steps

My first horse riding class :-)
My horse is Blueberry, a white, 7 years old very calm, and long bearing mare. I brushed her and put the saddle on, then I got to climb on :-) Poor Blueberry ... I am three times as heavy as any little kid from the summer camp at Triangle H Farm. I have to learn how to not dump myself on the horse's back, I'll break her back. Cindy my instructor is a retired jokey after 15 years in the racing. She is very patient (as Blueberry).

I had mixed feelings: excitement and anxiety. I do have a helmet, don't worry, and Blueberry knows new ones like me who saw a horse only from the ground.

I love it!!! I really do, I would go every day not one hour/week only.
For sure when I retire I will live on a ranch with horses around and JRTs.
I will have that red barn and stables with horses.
Hey, remember, that's my dream since I was six!

One year anniversary

July 14th, 2005-2006.
It is one year today since I moved here in this hot and humid beautiful place :-)
I remember last year how small and remote Edwardsville looked after coming from Tucson.
Today driving home from doing my groceries I smiled thinking that I got used to drive the 12ML between the corn fields, watching the black cows, and now waiting patiently for the water in the lake to raise again to normal level. Not too much rain here, feels like Tucson (but much humid, like in monsoon time).

Taylor loves the green grass and to swim in the lake. We don't love the humidity! Today is a very hot 96F with 63% humidity, makes 107 heat index (must be like in Hell), feels much worse than 110 F in Tucson. I stopped to buy peaches from a farmer, he will have corn, tomatoes, and peppers soon. I love my house, I love to live here out in the corn fields... In this past year I made friends with my neighbors (dog walking ladies). Kids on my block know Taylor, and they say "Hi Taylor's Mom" :-)
My across door neighbors just moved to Kansas City, someone else moved in this past Monday, but I did not see them home. A new beautiful house was built on my street. Of course the big dent in front of my house was not repaired yet, and I found another handy man to fix my electric problem, and I put myself the reinforcers in my closets. I did not find yet a handyman to fix the gutters... Since it does not rain I really don't need gutters.

It's hard to think I am in my house for one full year, but it is true. This is the dream accomplished. I cannot complain. Slowly I got used to SIUE and my disappointments were alleviated (partially). I am very busy, couple of deadlines, and 52 take home exams to grade.
Tonight we go with Jo Ann (Molly's mom) to State Fair ( a musical at SIUE), then Sunday we go on the lake with Sandy and Jerry's boat, then all have dinner. God has blessed me with good neighbors.

It takes time to feel home. It is good to be home!
Life is good! :-)

Busy summer

I am grading take home exams (blogs). I have two sections (28+23 students). I did not realize it takes such a huge amount of time. Even if I already read most of them (those who started earlier and improved their work upon my feedback) I have some who posted the day before the due day, that is yesterday. Procrastination is a disease :-)

I have my due days also to submit my proposals and because of this summer teaching I will find myself in the group of procrastinators.

Research first! So, what should I do when there are only 24 hours in a day? I sleep less than 5 hours/night and feel more and more tired. Still to hang on till the end of this month when class ends as well as my due dates for submissions. Everything needs to take place in the same time.

Some of the students are frustrated because they had to work more on this exam than they expected and planned for a summer class. Some asked me how does a blog improve them as teachers? Dah .... On more skill they had no clue about before coming to this class. Some did not even hear ever the word "blog" did not know what a hyperlink is and never did a library search for articles. Anyhow....

Taylor keeps busy fishing :-) in her pool. She learned by now that when she is hot she goes in the pool to cool down. Then goes back to digging and all muddy comes in the house. She is very bored and very angry at the computer. She barks at me when I am looking at the monitor not at her!

I am tired! I need to do something to get away from computer and books. Even with all deadlines ahead! I would like to learn how to ride a horse.
There is a place close where they offer riding classes called Triangle H Farm. I'll give it a try. I love horses and always wanted to ride a horse.

Happy Independence in America!

Happy Independence Day America!

Independence is very important and close to my heart, it has also a very special meaning for me.

Independence carries the hopes of my grandparents in the time of Second World War. They waited for the Americans to come and free them from Hitler and his army, but instead the communist came over like a pest.
Then they waited for the Americans to come and free us from the communists... but the communists took all their properties, kicked my father out of school, and never gave a chance to my mother to continue her studies. My grandparents longed and died waiting for Independence.

My father could never forgive and forget the communists, they took his family's belongings, his father and father-in-law both died shortly after the communists forced them to give away their property. They were just hard working middle class people, they did not have big fortune, but with what they had they could afford schooling for their children. Once the communists took it all my grandfathers died both of heart attack, they just could not bear the pain and sorrow. My father never went to college, even though he had excellent potential. The communists took it all, they took his future.

I grew up learning a history from the history books in school, and another history told by my parents and trusty elders. I grew up fearing that my Dad will end up in jail because he was often swearing at the communist party and all communists. I grew up in fear each time he was not coming home from work in time... We did not have a phone at that time, so each time when he was late Mom and I were praying that he would not be taken by the Militia for swearing and talking badly about communism.

I grew up listening to the Voice of America, and Europe Free broadcasting on the radio, and feeling the luckiest to be able to listen in both languages Hungarian and Romanian. Looking forward to hear news from America, the Land of Independence and Dreams Come True.

I grew up going to church in secret because each holiday we the young communist pioneers had to go to activities not to church. How it hurt my Dad to see the red tie around my neck, the symbol of those who killed his Father... but we had to comply, for fear...

I grew up admiring America and being completely amazed when I first saw a one dollar bill and written on it "In God we trust." That really was the land of dreams come true if they could write the name of God on their currency bills.

I grew up having a dream, since I was six, to have a ranch in Texas :-)

I grew up with the dream of being a fugitive; to run away from the country and never look back, to run away from the communists, but never dared to do it because I was the only child and was too worried to leave my parents behind to the "mercy" of communists.

I grew up having a dream of Independence!
I grew up dreaming of and admiring America!

Before I came to America I was told that I will have a cultural shock. I never had, I felt from the first day like the right fish in the right pond :-) I felt like coming home.

And here I am... my dream came true. I am in America, the land of God, the land of opportunities and real dreams, the land of Independence! I love this country in a way I never could love the place I was born in and where I grew up. This country is the dream of my grandparents, and parents, and the dream of my childhood. I would give my life for this country. America welcomed me and gave me the opportunity to realize all that I dreamed of, and even more than I dared to hope for... I accomplished the dreams of my grandparents, the dreams my Father never had the chance to accomplish, and I accomplished through hard work more than I dared to dream!
I accomplished the dream of Independence!
No matter where I will go in this world I will belong to this land of God.

Americans are so blessed, but many don't realize that. Independence is so precious, it is a dream come true. The best dream ever!

God bless America!

Midwest tempo

Right after I moved here to the Midwest I noticed that things are slower, and that people react slower than in the Southwest.
Last summer I needed to have the storm door installed to have a doggie door for Taylor. My storm door and doggie door were for a whole month in the garage till after many calls the handy man finally came to install it. Taylor was really happy!

In the fall I talked with a landscaper to come and continue the landscape from the front of my house to the side. The Winter came and went away, and then the Spring was here. Finally in late March the landscaper came (after many many phone calls).

First week of April kind of the same time when my landscaping was complete, a handy man completed the work on the air duct (from my dryer to the back side of the house - since the builder directed the air duct out into the garage!). The same handy man promised that the following week will come and complete the work on my gutters. The water from the sump-pump comes out to the side of my house, and since there is no slope on my property the stinky water makes a little pond and is also a mosquito nursery. It is July! I called since then almost every week to ask if he will come... My neighbor Frank needs to have the exact same work done, the handy man proposed to have both works done in the same time to not rent twice the digging machine. Frank and I agreed to split the rental price.

No one came and since then Frank called him and I called him taking turns.
Two weeks ago I got impatient (it was slowly end of June and three month since the work was promised to be done). I called the handy man and asked if he is still interested in doing the job. He said he will come to take measures that Saturday.
Frank promised he will call also, and the handy man said he will be at the house 9AM. Saturday came and 9Am passed. By 11AM I called Frank to ask him if he has any news from our handy man... Frank laughed and told me to be patient since people are laid back here in the Midwest. And sooner or later, perhaps more later than sooner, we will have the job done.

That Saturday the handy man got to see Frank's property and stopped by my house just to tell me he is late to little league tournaments with his kid and he will come next day.
You guessed, he never came back!

I think I just give up and start to search for a new handy man.
Frank still tells me that in the end he will come and that I have to be patient since people are not as fast as I think, it takes time, "people around here are laid back."

But it is three months since that work was supposed to be completed.
I wonder what are the limits that a person can be named "laid back" before it is named "lazy" or "bad worker"? Or is it me that I expect people be eager to do a job?
No, I think it is me being too patient and not searching for another service provider. It seems Midwest tempo is defintely not my tempo!

Having the responsibilities of owning a house is not easy task. But hey, I am learning :-)

New skills

Yesterday I cooked Indian food (chicken and rice) and invited my friends from India, Sunita and Siva. Siva, who graduated from SIUE in May from Computer Science helped me fix my official SIUE web page ( I am still working on it) using Dreamweaver.
At UA I used the FrontPage, uploading all my files using the Secure Shell. At that time it was so easy and I really enjoyed learning how to fix my course web page. Then I moved to SIUE where I could not use directly Front Page but I need to transfer it all using FTP
Siva and Sunita were explaining me the real basics, and since they did not have too much time Siva just started the mainframe of template for my web page. Then showed me how to use the link feature between the pages. Sunita learned the basics about Dreamweaver from Siva but then she became better than her master since she was the webmaster for the College of Engineering. Very smart young lady :-)

After they left I told myself is better to try just a page to make sure I got all correctly and not forget till in the morning what Siva showed me.

It's interesting that all of us when we become masters in a domain we forget how really hard was to learn that stuff, and when we teach others we kind of skip some real basic steps, that seem to us (the experts) self explanatory, but for the novice they are essential steps to know.
Also those of us who learn a skill that becomes "old" once we use it, we have a hard time in learning new stuff when the old interferes with the new (this is called proactive interference).

So, I first messed up all that Siva worked, just because I really forgot in like 30 minutes after they left. Then since I really wanted to KNOW it I Googled it and learned and tried it out till I messed up all of it and started it all from scratch!
At 2:30AM I just gave up. But continued in the morning till... Hooray! I got it, I know the basics, and I am now able to fix my official SIUE site.

Sunita was just smiling, remembering how frustrated she was in the beginning, but technology, like any drug :-) gets one hooked.
I am glad I learned another cool skill!

Cool tech

This weekend a friend on mine from U of A, helped me fix a computer problem. The coolest thing was that Michael is in Tucson, AZ, and I am here in Edwardsville, IL... and we worked on the same computer. LogMeIn helped us in our work.


Till the computer was doing some clean up we could chat using Word Pad, at times we were fighting for power, wanting to write in the same time and the computer was being confused :-)
But just chatting online, writing only seemed to not be enough, since I wanted to see his little dog Dalai, and we switched to Breeze. I could see and hear them . Unfortunately I still have my little camera on the bookshelf behind my computer and not installed. I did regret that it was not functioning since if it would have been we could have the girls "talk" to each other, especially that Dalai is baby sitting a hamster. Taylor would kill the little thing, but Dalai being a Tibetan not a "killer dog" she is pretty good.
I'll have the camera ready on next time and we can have a live chat-bark :-)

It is so cool! Technology is the best invention ever. I wish I could be alive in another 200 years to see what is new and how people communicate.
But I'll just have to imagine that.

To smile or cry?

I don't know what to do when Taylor diggs for the moles in our backyard... I spend money on seeding, treating, and watering the spare grass. Now it gets nicer since I seeded 5 times in the last year! But moles go around and Taylor knows is something in there. So, she starts digging... And she makes bigger dammage than the mole itself. But Taylor knows this is her job, to get the underground quarry :-)

She gets so excicted, she diggs and chewes on grass, and makes the hole with feet and mouth, and teeth. She is ferocious in getting that somebody down there.
Should I be mad, or cry that she ruins my work, and money?... Better I acknowledge her breeed features and am happy for her, and just laugh and take pictures :-)

My friend Michael wrote a haiku on his little pup on his blog :

black dog dirt digging
thunder in the distant clouds
she looks up just once

Just a short "translation" to our neck of the woods :-)

White dog dirt digging
No rain in the distant clouds
She keeps digging in the grass

Missouri Earth Dogs JRTCA trial

Saturday and Sunday Taylor had lots of fun. She found the rat in the go-to-ground, run after the lure, she did not found the rat in the barn but remembered the go-to-ground place and run from the barn back to the tunnel. She is smart :-) She loved chasing the squirrels tail and jumping over the hurdles.
She did a pretty good job staying in her x-pen the entire time I volunteered at the conformation show.
It was really hot and humid... Two days after that Taylor did nothing else but sleep. I thought she is sick or something. She was just so tired of all that excitement.

I love seeing her so happy. She recognizes already the place and of course knows her cousins' barking and she gets very excited.
They had this Fun place with a Lure Challenge really neat built, like an agility course with a lure going through the obstacles and the dog needs to chase it. Taylor loved that the most!

I hope another fun day will be soon and I will be able to take her to enjoy the crowd again.

My "fun" this week were the 30x3 paper assignments to grade by tomorrow.
I just finished grading and posting the grades on Blackboard. Tomorrow is the last day of this section. Monday I move to 1PM section. It's pretty intense and I don't have too much time for my projects, which I really hate!
I can't wait to see how the results from my two projects look like. I will see them soon since my deadline for submissions is July 1st... I predict more white nights :-)

Love with purpose

Since 2000 I grow my hair with a purpose: Locks of Love.
Since my hair grows very slow it takes 3-4 years to have a 13" length gift and be left with something myself :-)
I love my hair, it is a nice hair. I really take care of it, and I use good shampoo and conditioner (Biosilk, Abba, Biogenol). The good news is that here my hair is much healthier than down in AZ, since it is not as dry, and is much curlier, it does not grow faster though :-)

I expect that by Christmas or my birthday next year my hair will be long enough to be a gift of love.
My Mom had very long hair, till her ankle. I cut it off for her till her shoulders; I think it was ten years ago, and now is back as long as her extended hand. My Mom's hair grows like grass in my yard :-) Her hair is much nicer, much stronger, now is grey, but once was dark brown, almost black.

I had my first ever hair cut when I graduated middle school and went off to commute for high school. I remember when I cut my hair my Mom was very upset. It was Dad who came with me to the hair salon to have it cut. I left having my hair longer than my hand and I came home with shoulder-long hair and the rest of it in a plastic bag ... I cried morning and evening for two weeks, and Mom cried with me. Then when I graduated from high school I had another major hair cut. That was by a mistake, the hair dresser choped up my hair and the only way to have a decent shape for graduation was to cut it all. I had the shortest hair among all guys (boys also!). My hair was less than 1"! I had little round eye glasses (the John Lennon style). On the class pictures everyone thought I was a boy :-) Then I went to college and I kept my hair short till after graduation when I started my engineering career. Then I started to grow my hair again.

But now I don't just throw my hair in the trash. I make a gift to Locks of Love and I feel very good about that. I don 't mind having for Christmas short hair again. Actually I am looking forward, knowing that someone will be happy to have it and perhaps the person will think about how much I loved my hair to make it a Christmas gift.

Full house

Yesterday we had a full house. Oliver (the dog) is visiting with us since last Thursday until next Sunday because his owners are vacationing in Spain. Kinga (5 years, in red pants with Taylor) and Jordan (2 1/2 years, holding tight to Oliver) were here 10Am to 1Pm to play.

We started with coloring in books and then painted some crafts. Kinga choose the butterfly, Jordan the dog (obviously she was more interested by Oliver than us the humans), and I painted a turtle to give it as a gift to a friend who collects them (actually she collects frogs...). Then we took a walk to the beach where they climbed the play house, and took a swing (till they got bored and we needed to move one). We had lunch then played some more :-)
I don't know who had more fun: we the humans or the two dogs, perhaps all of us!

I enjoyed the two little girls, I know I am good with kids, and always was better with kids than with adults. Adults are so serious, they have those big people talks, they are not as fun as little ones. With kids we can invent games, we can laugh, and change quick the topic of conversation and play (they get bored fast), we do things! Perhaps that is the most important in our relation "We do things!"

When teaching about gender issues to my students I mention that friendship relations are many times different for women and men. Usually women sitting face-to-face enjoy talking and sharing emotions, words, tears, touch and hugs. Men usually are shoulder-to-shoulder and doing something, might design a project, build, share opinions looking at something (be it a car, a lawn, or watching a game). I also mention that many times this categorization falls into the category of stereotype, since there are men who love just talking to their male or female friends, as there are women who base their friendships on the action part in their relationship to female or male friends.

Thinking about my relationships and asking myself why I feel more comfortable with kids I realize that it is not kids by exception I enjoy, but it is the "doing" part of it. Just sitting and talking, chatting, sharing the words is not pleasurable for me. I need to feel the person involved in a common goal. I need to look at the same target with my friends, to do together something, to build a common good, to have a common goal. And then I tell myself that it is not the gender stereotype, but it is personality style. For me it is more important to have a common goal that we can base our friendship, words alone become a ground for friendship only if shared for building a common goal. I need to create something with words, I need a target, I need to build with words, otherwise they become just plain talk which in my opinion is boring!

I will forever be an engineer :-)
Oh, this is another stereotype...

Racehorse

When we were applying for jobs and going to interviews my friend Scott said once that if I am hired those who hire me don't know yet that they buy a racehorse. I did not understand what does he means and Scott explained me that it stands for "hard worker." :-) Scott said that when I start the race then I run it all the way with full speed.

There are also other kind of "horses" that do not race, and do not even work hard...

I am wondering if the racehorse will ever understand the backyard horse who walks at leisure slowly moving his little carriage. Will the racehorse ever wonder how can the other one be so slow and not even care?

OK, I do ask myself how in the world can someone not care about the work on which depends its future? I might be passionate about my work, or perhaps I really take it too serious... I don't mind spending numerous hours in doing my research, working lots of late nights to keep it going, and I really cannot understand how someone wants to get far without any effort. It is perhaps because I saw my parents work hard for all that they accomplished. It is because I worked very hard to accomplish my dream, and perhaps I think that there is not easy way to get to the goal but by working hard.

I still have 5 kids to test that is other 3 days after teaching. I can say that my research was "tones of time" since I am slowly to child 76 and each testing is 55 minutes. Just to go there it takes 40 minutes one way. Many many hours, many days, many miles driven, and gas spent... This is my race and I run it in the hopes that I will be a winner.

You know, I am sure that the racehorse must wonder how in the world can the other one be so slow and even don't care :-)

Thank you Scott for giving me a good name, glad I am not barn sour!

Like a sick child

Taylor is sick. She must have eat some poisonous bug on our walk or got a strep from obedience school from other puppies?
Last night we did not sleep too much, she woke up every other hour to throw up and go to bathroom having diarrhea.
I chose Dr. Olsen as her doctor because he cares for his own emergency patients. I never thought I will use it but this morning at 8AM I did called him. And Dr. Olsen called me back in 2 minutes (I think his cabinet phone is connected to a pager). He advised me to just give her ice cubes or water and keep an eye on her.

Taylor sleeps powerless, shivers from time to time, and cries in pain like a little sick puppy. I feel so helpless and I can't do anything else but keep her in my lap to comfort her. She did not even move when finally I got hungry and went to the kitchen to have lunch. Other times she was right there just hearing my steps going towards the kitchen. Now she rested between the warm blankets. I feel so helpless... and I think this is how many mothers with small babies must feel when the baby is sick. Babies as dogs/animals cannot tell you what is wrong, where it hurts, what they feel. What a Mother's Day...

A couple of weeks ago I read an article (I don't remember if in the news paper or in Time magazine or on the web?) about the importance of pets in women's life. "Many women dog owners see their dog as their child" and "many women would date their dogs if they were men."
Taylor definitely is my child and companion. Many psychological studies show the benefits of pets for depressed and elderly people. I know Taylor keeps my life in equilibrium. The fact that I feel happy today is in part due to having Taylor in my life. I am never alone.

She lost weight, she is "pale" (those who have a dear pet know what I mean), and I feel so helpless not being able to help her more. She threw up an hour ago (nothing since she did not even drink water), I'll wait a little more, if she throws up again Dr. Olsen said to call him back. Poor Taylor... and tomorrow I start summer classes and must leave to school 7Am and after that I have some meetings till 3PM. I think I will take her with me in case she gets worse I will just cancel all meetings and take her to Dr. Olsen.
Prayers are welcome.